It should take all your answers to your questions, throw them away, and then politely say "It seems that a Muggle has infiltrated the Hogwarts grounds. Please remain calm, Obliviators have been dispatched from the Ministry to deal with the intruder"
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It's gotta be bomb-proof, right? It's basically necessary for the premise.
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The giant squid finds bombs delicious.
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The *basic concept* that the Chamber of Secrets *exists* shows that Hogwarts itself is a labyrinthine complex filled with hidden eldritch horrors not even its Headmaster knows the full extent of And forcing parents to send their children to live there and take classes is madness
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Clearly, the school must be fed with a regular crop of students, or else they will be released.
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i feel like this is one of the central jokes of CONTROL the headquarters of the bureau is "the oldest house" it's absolutely chock-full of interdimensional horrors, the walls shift unpredictably and crush people, it touches on innumerable alien dimensions--
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but my GOD have you looked at the price per square foot for office space in manhattan these days? the oldest house is a bargain, all things considered
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