(In reality, the most common scenario for surrogacy based on my reading is that the surrogate does in fact continue pumping and sending milk to the parents, but does not actually nurse the baby herself and bond with the infant, which, yes, I am well aware is your real objection)
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Replying to @arthur_affect @pmberkeley and
(Of course that depends on the surrogate maintaining an ongoing relationship with the parents post-birth and continuing to disrupt her own life in order to pump etc And how "ethical" it is to ask that of both parties, and for how long, is the whole matter at hand)
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Replying to @arthur_affect @Eristae and
Yeah it's an entire Thing to do surrogacy, can you please just acknowledge it shouldn't be done lightly and move on with your life? This whole conversation is stupid. Nobody here is confronting what surrogacy actually means or the implications for mother and child.
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Replying to @pmberkeley @arthur_affect and
It’s bizarre that you think it’s being done lightly, tho. Surrogacy is incredibly complicated to set up. Literally no one does it on a whim. If someone’s having a kid by surrogacy, it’s safe to assume they’ve thought about it A LOT & just came to a different conclusion than you.
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Replying to @GeneraLMcMill @arthur_affect and
If somebody is having a baby by surrogacy, they are very, very privileged, and cash is involved.
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Replying to @pmberkeley @arthur_affect and
Ok. That’s not even a little bit at odds with what I said.
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Replying to @GeneraLMcMill @pmberkeley and
I knew two cishet couples where one was acting as a surrogate for the other. There wasn't money involved. I don't know how things ultimately ended up because we drifted apart, but I know there was no money changing hands.
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Replying to @Eristae @GeneraLMcMill and
FWIW while this is certainly possible and things like this have gone down in private for centuries without being recorded in the history books, it's very dangerous A lot of the expense of surrogacy-without-IVF is legal protection for all parties involved, just as in adoption
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Replying to @arthur_affect @Eristae and
Like, if someone's sperm fertilizes your egg, according to the law you had sex and he's the father and you're the mother of the child (even if it was done via turkey baster and you being a surrogate was all clearly agreed to beforehand)
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Replying to @arthur_affect @Eristae and
Which creates legal obligations that are very difficult to get out of (and a lot of the expense of surrogacy was creating legal institutions to make getting out of this possible) TERFs, of course, are very invested in these legal obligations being 100% positive things
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(Because their attitude about "real parents" is indistinguishable from conservatives)
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Replying to @arthur_affect @GeneraLMcMill and
I wasn't deeply involved in the whole thing, but from what I remember 1) The surrogate used her own egg. 2) Legal counsel was involved to some degree, although I'm not sure how deeply or appropriately.
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