Look I'm on record as saying that disrupting families is a big fucking deal and that reactive attachment disorder is a very serious matter and should be avoided I don't think that contradicts my skepticism of parents at all It's exactly why it's such a terrifying responsibility
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It means there's no easy or graceful way out There's no way to back out if you fuck up, there's no unshouldering this responsibility in a way that doesn't itself cause even greater harm
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Every case of court-ordered termination of parental rights, even the most clearcut and justified, leaves a trail of destruction in its wake, it's an amputation of a limb
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When you have a job you can't fail at without causing irreparable and major damage to another human being, when you can't even *quit* that job without causing tremendous harm, you REALLY REALLY have to think before you agree to take it
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There's a lot of things you could compare this to -- most of all marriage, and divorce -- but none of them are quite the same because CHILDREN DON'T GET A CHOICE ON THEIR END OF THE DEAL
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I personally don't think that bond is as big. I cut off ties with my dad, and the bond I feel comes from 99% from society's brainwashing that I owe him love for our blood bond. Took me ages to feel it's ok to cut contact, but it was societal pressure I fought against
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I think if society took a turn towards viewing relationships of any kind as optional, fluid and freely chosen, that bonding would have a fraction of its power. But the narrative is still that you have to be grateful for being born and forgiving to your shit parent bc "family"
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