Well usually it didn't *make* me feel like shit, I already felt like shit and was seeking validationhttps://twitter.com/HelloCakebread/status/1272304151569920001 …
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I feel like I want to just couch my defensiveness here in bitter cynicism Like how do you even ask the question "Why would you enjoy something that encourages you to give in to despair and give up on the idea that a better world is possible?" Because giving up FEELS AMAZING
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Giving up is the BEST FUCKING THING It's the most addictive drug in the world It's like heroin No, it IS heroin, THAT'S WHAT HEROIN IS Taking heroin is the chemical expression of the euphoria of giving into despair
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That's the actual literal point of the monologue from Trainspotting, "I choose not to choose life, I chose something else. Who needs reasons when you've got heroin?" The line from Cat on a Hot Tin Roof, how Brick's alcoholism gives him the "charm of the defeated"
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I'm sorry but I'm just sick of the whole "hopepunk" thing, it grates against me like the sound of an alarm clock against a hangover The whole "defiance of hope" thing is the screeching clanging sound of my nervous system needing another drink
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I know booze, whether the literal chemical or the self-indulgent literary equivalent, is not "good for me", in fact it's killing me I'm an adult and my life, both physical and spiritual, is my own to nurture or destroy as I wish Leave me the fuck alone
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The paradoxical concept of "catharsis" in Aristotle's Poetics, as the whole goal of the classical tragedy, the most noble form The weird sense of *satisfaction* you get when you watch someone's tragic flaws destroy them Because that's what was always going to happen
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Because there was no other option, it could not be avoided, it was fate It hurts and it sucks but there's nothing to be done, and because there was nothing to be done, the hurt is swallowed and absorbed and passes through your bloodstream as a kind of pleasure
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Like the endorphins that flood the body immediately after a sudden injury Instead of spitting and retching and trying to vomit up the hemlock, you swallow it with a smile, and by smiling you make it taste sweet
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I just feel like pushing back because it's like everyone is the Surgeon General now and telling me "nihilistic despair isn't good for you, you know"
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OF COURSE I KNOW WHY WOULD I TAKE IT IF IT WAS GOOD FOR ME If I thought drinking was good for me, I would stop doing it, the way I stopped doing all the other things that were good for me in order to start drinking
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Say what you will about Jonathan Franzen but his essay in defense of smoking was on point "Please stop lecturing me like I am somehow unaware that smoking is killing me Find one of the twenty people in America who somehow haven't heard it yet and talk to them"
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