Well usually it didn't *make* me feel like shit, I already felt like shit and was seeking validationhttps://twitter.com/HelloCakebread/status/1272304151569920001 …
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Because there was no other option, it could not be avoided, it was fate It hurts and it sucks but there's nothing to be done, and because there was nothing to be done, the hurt is swallowed and absorbed and passes through your bloodstream as a kind of pleasure
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Like the endorphins that flood the body immediately after a sudden injury Instead of spitting and retching and trying to vomit up the hemlock, you swallow it with a smile, and by smiling you make it taste sweet
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I just feel like pushing back because it's like everyone is the Surgeon General now and telling me "nihilistic despair isn't good for you, you know"
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OF COURSE I KNOW WHY WOULD I TAKE IT IF IT WAS GOOD FOR ME If I thought drinking was good for me, I would stop doing it, the way I stopped doing all the other things that were good for me in order to start drinking
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Say what you will about Jonathan Franzen but his essay in defense of smoking was on point "Please stop lecturing me like I am somehow unaware that smoking is killing me Find one of the twenty people in America who somehow haven't heard it yet and talk to them"
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