And they've normalised and internalized a ton of unhealthy behaviours via their social circle, which then means that to move past the behaviour they have to reconcile either cutting their supports loose and finding new ones, or keeping supports that won't grow with them
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Replying to @Hi_Mike_Gorrie @arthur_affect
The typical "sitcom" way of managing this is to gloss over the fact that everyone's going through shit, conflict is normal, let's all be friends anyway If they call out the fact that this can be toxic, it's by joking about the cast being codependant. Every time.
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Replying to @Hi_Mike_Gorrie @arthur_affect
They also typically normalise leaning into that codependence, rejecting career offers because they'll separate you from your friends, etc.
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Replying to @Hi_Mike_Gorrie @arthur_affect
I'd like to see the opposite take more often: a protagonist whose community is actively, abusively holding them back, how they've justified that to themselves, and their journey toward confronting and dealing with that through therapy
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Replying to @Hi_Mike_Gorrie
Well yeah my whole thing is that sometimes you can't, in fact, move on without doing further harm Unfortunately in the world we live in sometimes you healing inevitably involves actions that someone else will perceive as harm
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Replying to @arthur_affect @Hi_Mike_Gorrie
At some point you've gotta just say "Look you can see it however you see it but I have to be on my side"
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Replying to @arthur_affect
Yes, exactly! Although, in the context of the original thread: there is a big difference between "siding with yourself" and "revenge" The harm (or percieved harm) done by siding with yourself in healthy ways is usually a side-effect, not the goal itself
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Replying to @Hi_Mike_Gorrie @arthur_affect
I'd argue that the two are mutually exclusive If you're removing someone who's wronged you in order to prevent them committing future wrongs against you, that's not the same thing as revenge, which is punishing someone for wronging you
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Replying to @Hi_Mike_Gorrie @arthur_affect
Although, granted, the optics would be the same as soon as the former involves delusions about what constitutues a future threat, or gets unnecessarily heavy handed
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Replying to @Hi_Mike_Gorrie @arthur_affect
And I suspect that those optics are why many people (me included) struggle with the idea of doing any harm at all -- how do we know that we're ""really"" just doing what's necessary vs. going too far, even if punishment is not the goal
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Yeah I'm personally uncertain that hatred and resentment are really all that bad, and maybe we're just told they are because we don't want the wrong people acting on them
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Replying to @arthur_affect
I maintain that there is no human emotion or behaviour that doesn't have a job to do The question is whether it's misdirected, misapplied, and/or generally maladaptive
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