Sometimes someone will get it in their heads to challenge themselves by saying "Let's take an objective evil thing to do and make the person who does it problematic" And not even evil in the melodramatic supervillain sense but evil in the petty, contemptible, disgusting sense
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(I still think the episode "Jaynestown" of Firefly is a great work of art, so sue me)
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I mean, to be clear, I've never taken someone's photos and photoshopped myself into them to construct some elaborate fantasy narrative that we were married (Although in the Internet era this is much easier to do and can be done without even committing any crimes)
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Nor have I deliberately lied to a grieving family that I knew their dead son and started a nonprofit to fundraise thousands of dollars off of that fictional association
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At the same time, the opportunity to do so has never just landed right in my lap, and honestly if it did at the right point in my life I really don't know if I would turn it down (If you're recoiling at this like I've revealed I'm a monster, well, you're probably right)
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I dunno, I feel almost like I'm caught between a rock and a hard place Like I agree with the critics that Evan Hansen is the villain, he's a monster, his actions are objectively unforgivable And yet THAT'S WHY I LIKE THE SHOW
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I even specifically like it because I identify with the character and I agree with the artistic choice to narrow the whole show only to his POV, to only being interested in what happens to him and how his actions affect himself
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I see a lot of takes like "I'm so tired of art that validates the delusions of shitty people, that takes a selfish jerk and thinks we'll want to actually live in the world inside their heads where they really are the only person who matters" You're probably right, but I'm not
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I dunno, I just feel so seen by this show that's about this overwhelmingly, tragically selfish person Not "sociopathic", he's very much aware that he is selfish and that it is a bad thing to be selfish, but he just can't stop doing it
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It's like, look, you think it's easy being a selfish bastard It's not, it's really hard Thinking of yourself and putting yourself in the middle of everything is really exhausting and unpleasant, especially when you're an unpleasant person to begin with
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Have some empathy for the people incapable of having empathy Trying to act on your empathy for other people and not having the moral strength to do so because your selfish desires are just too powerful HURTS, man It feels really really bad
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It's why I'm insistent that anything that made the show less "problematic" would make it a worse show The real Connor has to be an enigma who is completely forgotten and erased by Evan's lies Evan's lies have to be 100% projection, he can't know anything about Connor at all
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(The fandom constantly doing "fix fics" that weaken these two points just ruins the story Even the official novelization does this, which is why I don't like it)
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Even his big cathartic confession isn't an expression of strength but weakness He just doesn't have it in him to keep up the con anymore He confesses to his victims but not to the public, he puts the burden on them to force him to atone and make recompense if they want to
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And they don't! He gets away with it! He doesn't get what he was in some sense begging for, for the world to punch him in the face and send him to prison and MAKE him be a better person via enforced consequences
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It's like Gina's last words to Bojack on Bojack Horseman The truth coming out would just hurt more people even more He doesn't get that full catharsis He has to live with it and try to become a better person without external pressure making him do it It's uncertain if he can
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Also look I'm gonna go there It is about religion The song "You Will Be Found" is really really obviously mimicking a church service or a revival meeting It is very much about how millions of people are given hope by Evan's story about Connor, which is completely false
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Jesus also wasn't the Son of God, he was not a blameless innocent perfect human who willingly went to his death to take our sins upon himself, and he did not rise again in three days A lot of people telling you he did know it isn't true but are saying it because it feels good
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A lot of people who found religions are demonstrably awful L Ron Hubbard, Joseph Smith Even just looking at his own writings Paul of Tarsus was a real piece of work But the religions persist after they're gone
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(If you look at the "Free Zone", people who have recognized the Church of Scientology as an abusive cult and cut ties with it but still insistently believe there is truth to their teachings, it's pretty heartbreaking)
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Dear Evan Hansen is, like, a super cynical read on this "That story that made you cry all night and got you to change your mind about killing yourself and spurred you to try to turn your life around Yeah some creep made it up so he could get laid"
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You needed a reason to quit drinking and finally try to act like better things are possible if you try even if it feels like they aren't Joseph Smith needed to have sex with a 16-year-old girl, as did Evan Hansen As Zoe says in the show, "Everyone needed it for something"
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From what I've read about the development of the show, it started out as much more overtly cynical - Pasek being upset about all the people making up stories about how close they were to the kid who died in his high school class and wondering how far he could take that idea
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And I like that, I like that the cynical roots are buried deep, even if it means a ton of the fans end up not seeming to get that Evan is even a bad guy It feels true to life to me You always start off the lying because the lie feels so beautiful and the truth so cheap
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End of conversation
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