So I'm trying to take in the various takes about Dear Evan Hansen that have accumulated since the show came out And I guess my interest in the show is tied up in my interest in the Noble Lie, in myths and religion and self-deception
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And in hindsight I think it's mostly done me harm It hasn't made me happy and it sure as hell hasn't empowered me to change anything (Look at the fucking world around you, which is the product of everyone's cumulative efforts to make change, has it been worth it)
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I dunno man, I feel a lot like Cypher from The Matrix these days Who the hell wants to understand the way the world works Ignorance was the greatest gift God gave us in the Garden and we threw it away like trash and now it's gone forever
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I'm actually now thinking back and realizing in every serious relationship I've ever had I've asked a variation on the question "Would you lie to me if you had to" and getting back the "correct" answer
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"I don't lie to people I care about, I think it's wrong, I respect you enough to tell you the truth" And those relationships are all now over
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Stop fucking respecting me Treat me like a child Manipulate and propagandize and deceive and control me Buy me another goldfish in the middle of the night and tell me the old one is still alive I don't fucking care anymore
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I saw a review of DEH about how the show is about the ultimate act of violence, of taking some kid who died with no friends and no one to tell his true story and utterly erasing what little is known of his real life in favor of a convenient story invented by a con artist
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And I'm like okay look if I die tomorrow and someone writes a novel about me that's completely fabricated and makes me sound like a much better and cooler and more successful person than I am, I'll take it In a heartbeat It's the best I can hope to get
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That's what almost all obituaries and tributes and eulogies are in the first place, that's their actual purpose, and how fucking naive do you have to be to think otherwise
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The whole of human history and culture and literature and art is one big lie, one big act of will to try to make the world that actually exists disappear and replace it with something else
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Hell that's what THE HUMAN MIND is, all the psychological structures of memory, imagination, language, symbolism, narrative that separate us from other animals It's our capacity to bullshit a world inside your head to replace the one on front of your eyes
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If - or rather when - the human race torches this planet in nuclear fire and all that's left of us is our books and pictures and stories the best all of us collectively can hope for is that future alien archeologists will remember our bullshit about ourselves and not the reality
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Morgan Gendel did a comic book followup to his award winning episode of Star Trek TNG "The Inner Light" (the one with Picard's flute), with a shocking reveal where they actually do find frozen people from the planet the simulation came from and discover that it was a fraud
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It was a sanitized Little House on the Prairie style mockup of what their world was like It was literature, not history The creator of the sim programmed herself into it as the protagonist's wife to be remembered as a perfect version of herself
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It's depressing, but it's also completely predictable Immediately you realize that if you were to embark on a project like the one they did with their little space probe, that's what you do Who the hell wouldn't do it
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I guess if I were to start a new relationship that would be my test question "Will you lie about me at my funeral" And refusing would be a red flag but ESPECIALLY the romantic maudlin refusal "What would I have to lie about"
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That's what love is "I agree to believe the lies you believe about yourself, if you believe the lies I believe about myself" If you don't understand or accept that you're fucking useless
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End of conversation
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