The Onion I think effectively shot this in the head with their satire article "Area Man Excited For His Wedding Day So He Can Finally Ejaculate"
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"Although Ted has frequently praised Barbara's good looks, personality and intelligence, privately his thoughts are currently dominated by the overpowering urge to experience orgasm and ejaculate semen without sinning in the eyes of God"
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"'Barbara is the one. I can't imagine being with anyone else', said Ted, fully aware that if he were to break up with Barbara this could delay his goal of eventually ejaculating by several years"
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It is a very messed up view. What are we, sexual ducklings? Just imprinting for life on the first person we hook up with?
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Someone should have given these people reusable bondage tape
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"What's the key to a successful marriage?" "Well you know I've thought about this a lot over my forty years as a wife and definitely I'd have to say hymen detachment. You can be patient and kind and all but if you don't have hymen detachment, you don't have love."
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"But didn't you both have to work hard to be good listeners and share your burdens or...or anything?"
"Hymen detachment. Hymen detachment is all you need."
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Ties into something else I was told: Sex outside marriage is cheating even if you're single because you're sleeping with someone else's future spouse. Guess it makes sense if you think sex with other people makes it harder for them to bond with whoever they end up marrying.
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“Would you chew gum that someome else had already chewed?!”
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Am I having sex with them at the time?
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