I think people should be aware if a will gets contested and goes into probate, it is VERY COMMON for a judge to just make a summary ruling giving immediate family control of the burial arrangements There's a lot of precedent for it, because burial is, obviously, time-sensitivehttps://twitter.com/emilyvdw/status/1260589109162110976 …
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I dunno I mean I don't wanna be a fearmonger but it's just a fact, there is no foolproof way to protect yourself from this in death, because our legal system sucks and doesn't consider this important and is filled with transphobes top to bottom
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But what I've heard in terms of advice here is that a will is, by itself, *not enough* If you know you're going to fight a well-heeled and well-connected family over this you have to go belt-and-suspenders, put in as many legal barriers as possible
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Like, technically a "living will" by definition doesn't apply to anything that happens after you die, but if you put your wishes about burial in your living will then it's more likely people will have seen it and be able to testify to it in a timely manner than your actual will
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Same with durable power of attorney, which technically does not continue after death, but does put someone in the position of being decisionmaker while you're dying and makes it a bureaucratic obstacle to kick them out of that spot when you pass
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There's a separate process to appoint someone "agent to control disposition of remains" in many states, but most people don't know about it and many don't respect it It's something to go belt-and-suspenders on, imo, if you can (I am not a lawyer and this is not pro advice)
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The flipside of this is that while you shouldn't have to do this and it's an obnoxious barrier, filing these documents - including an actual will - isn't THAT expensive, most people don't have one just because of unfamiliarity with the legal system
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Lambda Legal has a bunch of stuff you can download off their website, and you can probably get it done for a few hundred bucks max
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(*In theory* you don't need a lawyer or legal boilerplate to have a will, a will can legally be your will if you just scribble it on a napkin and have a couple other people witness and sign it, but there's obviously a gap between the ideals of the law and the practice)
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