I mean, I always think about this when people get mad at "fauxpologies" Of course most apologies are fake because most apologies are coerced If we had a rule that you weren't allowed to dishonestly say you were sorry when you weren't, there'd be way fewer apologieshttps://twitter.com/Nash076/status/1229297333193469952 …
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I really do feel like there needs to be space to say "I genuinely feel bad that you think I wronged you, but I didn't wrong you I feel I owe you my sympathy as a human being in pain, but I do not owe you restitution"
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Otherwise, if there's no middle ground between "You are right and I am wrong, name whatever terms you wish and I will comply" and "I am right and you are wrong, I don't give a shit how you feel and you can fuck off and die", expect to see the latter a lot more than the former
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I think the discourse on this has gotten more balanced since I started seeing "How to Apologize" stuff everywhere ten years ago, because people started noticing there are people who compulsively apologize for things that aren't their fault just like others never apologize
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And this is gendered behavior - women are socialized to apologize more than men - but it's also a learned behavior based on class, oppression, personal experiences of abuse
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End of conversation
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I also think there's some value in cutting some slack to people who are attempting to better themslelves or make amends even if they don't achieve perfection in the first step.
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The Way of Absolute Candor
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