I mean, I always think about this when people get mad at "fauxpologies" Of course most apologies are fake because most apologies are coerced If we had a rule that you weren't allowed to dishonestly say you were sorry when you weren't, there'd be way fewer apologieshttps://twitter.com/Nash076/status/1229297333193469952 …
-
-
It's not like it's always marginalized people demanding apologies from the privileged, you know It goes the other way around quite a lot of the time It's why people coined terms like "white fragility" or "white women's tears"
Show this thread -
Fauxpologies are a survival tactic Sometimes a literal practical one, where admitting fault can drag you into court or get you thrown in prison Sometimes just one to defend your sense of self worth in the face of gaslighting and emotional manipulation
Show this thread -
I've actually cooled a lot on Internet shit about always blasting people for "weasel words", especially the kneejerk hate on "fauxpologies" It seems to me that "Speak plainly and bluntly and don't say things you don't mean" is itself a privileged POV
Show this thread -
I really do feel like there needs to be space to say "I genuinely feel bad that you think I wronged you, but I didn't wrong you I feel I owe you my sympathy as a human being in pain, but I do not owe you restitution"
Show this thread -
Otherwise, if there's no middle ground between "You are right and I am wrong, name whatever terms you wish and I will comply" and "I am right and you are wrong, I don't give a shit how you feel and you can fuck off and die", expect to see the latter a lot more than the former
Show this thread -
I think the discourse on this has gotten more balanced since I started seeing "How to Apologize" stuff everywhere ten years ago, because people started noticing there are people who compulsively apologize for things that aren't their fault just like others never apologize
Show this thread -
And this is gendered behavior - women are socialized to apologize more than men - but it's also a learned behavior based on class, oppression, personal experiences of abuse
Show this thread
End of conversation
New conversation -
Loading seems to be taking a while.
Twitter may be over capacity or experiencing a momentary hiccup. Try again or visit Twitter Status for more information.