And the latter isn't a strawman, people really do that shit There's a whole bunch of people who really think it's okay to just pop over to someone's place unannounced and if you're a bad host you've failed a moral test (the ancient law of hospitality etc)
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I don't even want to call this "neurodiversity", that's conceding way too much, it's just lifestyle diversity "I don't like other people in my home, it makes me uncomfortable" really should be the end of the conversation
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There's this documentary I saw once that was about a couple in NY who'd been married for 10+ years and never actually cohabitated The story was about them finally moving in together in her (rent-controlled) place because the financial situation was getting ridiculous
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And the thing is they still didn't actually cohabitate They split up the apartment like roommates - his side, her side, clearly demarcated whose stuff went where Separate bedrooms, and spent most of the day on separate sides
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In the interviews with their friends a lot of people were talking about how the obvious temptation was to diagnose them with "intimacy issues", say this wasn't a real marriage, etc But they'd been together longer and in a more stable relationship than most of their friends
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And they got together in late middle age after having been through multiple divorces so it's not a "maturity" issue They just... knew from experience what they wanted from each other and what they also didn't want You don't have to share everything if you don't want to
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