So obviously at this point it is clear that Whitman is either trying to convert me or to copulate with me, possibly both, possibly without my consent in both cases Reminder we are literally supposed to be escorting cabinet ministers and business oligarchs on and off base
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So like I've been proselytized to before. I've had people try to Christianize my heathen ass. It's part and parcel of growing up in the Illinois suburbs. Everybody wants to poach your soul for the Son of God to feast upon. But I've traditionally had Judaism as my secret weapon
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Like I had never known one of these sorts of people _not_ to back the fuck off when I said I was Jewish. The whole "God has special rules for his chosen people" thing or whatever shit. People decide you're exempt from the saved/unsaved dichotomy and withdraw. Not Whitman.
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No, Whitman told me I was going to go to Hell if I didn't convert from Judaism to Evangelical Christianity. Anybody who doesn't completely and totally accept Christ into their hearts is going to Hell! So most of my Jewish ancestors are in Hell. I'm stuck in a pickup truck w/ him
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So like obviously this is the worst situation. I'm on duty—kind of an important duty!— so it's not like I can just fuck off. And it's clear that he's not going to shut up about Jesus and how he's an upstanding citizen and member of our armed services now So I stop trying
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Like I can only politely refuse him for so long. So I just reach at the dashboard and slam on the radio. KHPR comes on with some story about the VERY CONFERENCE WE ARE WORKING FOR and I jack up the volume until it drowns Whitman out
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Dude has the audacity to reach for the volume knob, and man, I almost fucking lose it. Literally jumped at his arm like I was fixing to slam it down on the prindle. He jerked his arm back in alarm and then the two of us sat in silence.
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Eventually we had to convene with one of the other unit vehicles, and I promptly traded him to a different airman and worked with a different guy for the rest of the weekend. The other guy was no less of an asshole but at least he wasn't as much of a creep.
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the other big thing from the APEC conference was that towards the end a bunch of White House interns decided to just park their massive semitrailer in the middle of the path the motorcades were supposed to take to get back to the flightline. This was in violation of EVERYTHING
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I told them they had to move and these smug posh assholes fucking SMIRKED at me because even though I was in Air Force blues I looked like a little kid to them. Meanwhile I have a billion NCOs fucking SCREAMING at me on my radio and the White House motherfuckers don't care
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