Childbirth isn't just an important event, it's a situation where the person in labor requires significant emotional support. They're entitled to have their partner there contributing. I wouldn't say there's NEVER a reason, but extenuating circumstances need to be extreme.
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Replying to @WiseWyzard
I think that's the problem, that the situation here tests the boundaries of what constitutes sufficient extremity
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Replying to @Nymphomachy
I just asked my wife for her perspective, since she gave birth to our daughter and so has a first-hand perspective. She said childbirth is terrifying even when everything is going well. So she would have picked herself over dying grandfather.
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Replying to @WiseWyzard @Nymphomachy
Honestly same. And having a birth plan in place, which is then thrown out the window, change like that can be super stressful. If it was my grandfather I would understand my colleague choosing the birth of their child.
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Yeah, it's not just emotional support. The person supporting the person who is in labor is usually also there to be an advocate in a situation that is rife with medical abuse.
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Replying to @winceyville @__Carrie___ and
Same. You can't just send someone for stand-in. When you only have seconds between pains to open your eyes and convey what you need, it should be your life partner there - or at least someone you chose and discussed your needs extensively before.
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Replying to @luhugerth @winceyville and
You can though is my point In a cis heterosexual marriage there ought to be another woman advocate lined up _anyway_ because the vast majority of cis men can't be trusted to make decisions about birth giver healthcare
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Replying to @Nymphomachy @luhugerth and
This is the whole thing with the role of doulas, like after the 60s push to make husbands into the "second most involved person in the birth" they were like "Actually they're not very good at that job"
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Replying to @arthur_affect @luhugerth and
The hilarious thing is that's not even a socially uncorrectable problem but boy howdy have we done nothing to preclude it
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Replying to @Nymphomachy @luhugerth and
It's not even really hard to justify in most individual cases It's not that the husband is an asshole necessarily, it's that they don't get paid maternity leave so the husband has to work extra hard to keep the family finances afloat during the pregnancy and recovery
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Which means he in turn doesn't have time to receive all the training necessary to be her pregnancy aide and birth coach, which means that the logical thing to do, if they have the money, is hire someone to do it
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Replying to @arthur_affect @Nymphomachy and
That's the logic by which sexual reproduction created gender roles in the first place and the logic by which they get recreated if you don't push back against them consciously
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Replying to @arthur_affect @Nymphomachy and
This is why the wage gap between men and women is guaranteed to never go away if, for instance, you don't mandate paid maternity *and paternity* leave to encourage an equal division of responsibilities
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