Because it treats her like a person with moral agency and a stake in the decision.
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Replying to @R_Emrys @Nymphomachy
I dunno, though, his marriage isn't her business and her grandfather isn't his business Ideally the reason to have a chain of command is to limit how much people have to get into each other's business
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Replying to @arthur_affect @Nymphomachy
Keeping people out of each other's business isn't as important as giving them a say in their own. Plus, when you marry someone, you're taking on a share of the obligations they come with. (My wife and I actually put this in our vows--but it's inevitable regardless.)
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Replying to @R_Emrys @Nymphomachy
I'm specifically talking about the fact that his unrelated friend who has a dying grandfather doesn't really have a moral claim on him
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Yeah my own marriage similarly did not have this level of commitment And ideally I would have done a better job of grokking that but oh well we're leaving that one behind in this decade
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I guess we could argue about how universal the "spouse comes before everyone else" ethos is but the original post didn't make it sound like he and the friend were sworn boon companions or anything She's referred to as "one of my mates" and "my colleague" It feels like an excuse
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That's also true. The accuracy of his description of the whole situation is a separate issue entirely--I strongly suspect he's doing his (poor) best to make his behavior sound noble, and wouldn't be surprised to learn that he's actually an accountant & the granddad had a cold.
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Replying to @R_Emrys @arthur_affect and
And that's part of why I thought of the Talmud! The ontological status of the core story isn't always the point. Having something better to argue about than trolleys, on the other hand...
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This is why we read advice columns before the Internet too, obviously
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