And maybe it really is so important that he CAN'T leave because lives hang in the balance but he's not actually privy to that decision
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Like the thing is it may well be that his friend might agree with Reddit that his wife has the greater claim here Or she might disagree, or agree but choose to be "selfish" But what benefit is there to burden her emotionally with this in the first place
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Replying to @arthur_affect @Nymphomachy
Because it treats her like a person with moral agency and a stake in the decision.
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Replying to @R_Emrys @Nymphomachy
I dunno, though, his marriage isn't her business and her grandfather isn't his business Ideally the reason to have a chain of command is to limit how much people have to get into each other's business
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Replying to @arthur_affect @Nymphomachy
Keeping people out of each other's business isn't as important as giving them a say in their own. Plus, when you marry someone, you're taking on a share of the obligations they come with. (My wife and I actually put this in our vows--but it's inevitable regardless.)
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Replying to @R_Emrys @Nymphomachy
I'm specifically talking about the fact that his unrelated friend who has a dying grandfather doesn't really have a moral claim on him
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Yeah my own marriage similarly did not have this level of commitment And ideally I would have done a better job of grokking that but oh well we're leaving that one behind in this decade
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I guess we could argue about how universal the "spouse comes before everyone else" ethos is but the original post didn't make it sound like he and the friend were sworn boon companions or anything She's referred to as "one of my mates" and "my colleague" It feels like an excuse
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Like if we're going to go utilitarian on this one, the calculus clearly is that it was the right decision, because his colleague clearly *wanted* to be at her grandfather's deathbed and he *didn't want* to be with his wife But he's not a hero for that
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And it's certainly better for her long term not to have him around.
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