So not being there is forgivable under some circumstances. Treating it like his decision alone, and like something where the primary relationship affected is the one between him and the baby, is an unforgivable lack of respect and caring.
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Replying to @R_Emrys @Nymphomachy
Yeah this is my takeaway from reading the post It's not an issue of there always and forever being only one correct decision, it's that he treated this as a "me" decision rather than an "us" decision, like deciding whether to RSVP to a wedding
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It's not actually his decision to make When you get someone else pregnant, they have a lien on you now They get a claim on your time and energy, they get to tell you what to do, even if you think the decision is bad
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If she chooses to be "selfish" and demand she be more important than the friend with the dying grandfather or the possible victims of the bushfires that's her right That's what you promise when you make a wedding vow, that that person matters more than the rest of the world
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Like as far as the bushfires go that's why he has a boss If someone has to make the utilitarian moral decision to force people to miss the birth of their child or the death of their grandpa to save lives, it's the boss' job, not your own job
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His duty in that moment was to say "My friend has a dying grandpa but I have a wife in labor" and make the boss decide which one is more important Making the call himself is assuming the duties of a boss by abandoning the duties of a husband
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(This is, philosophically as well as pragmatically, why the military has an officer/enlisted divide Officers decide whether to sacrifice some lives to save other lives for the greater good, soldiers just do their job)
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Replying to @arthur_affect @Nymphomachy
I think it's more complicated. His wife isn't the only one who should get a say in this, and his boss sure as hell isn't. When there are major competing interests, you talk w/everyone! Maybe quickly, w/time pressure, but his fatal flaw here is thinking he's some damn movie hero.
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Replying to @R_Emrys @Nymphomachy
Enh I think most people would say that his friend with the dying grandfather really isn't any of his business and his only job here was to tell his boss "I have to leave because my wife is giving birth"
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And maybe it really is so important that he CAN'T leave because lives hang in the balance but he's not actually privy to that decision
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Like the thing is it may well be that his friend might agree with Reddit that his wife has the greater claim here Or she might disagree, or agree but choose to be "selfish" But what benefit is there to burden her emotionally with this in the first place
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Replying to @arthur_affect @Nymphomachy
Because it treats her like a person with moral agency and a stake in the decision.
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Replying to @R_Emrys @Nymphomachy
I dunno, though, his marriage isn't her business and her grandfather isn't his business Ideally the reason to have a chain of command is to limit how much people have to get into each other's business
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