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what is shame.

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Oct 20, 2020

How much of our interpersonal conflict is just both parties feeling ashamed and avoiding confronting that shame? Often the other person isn’t holding a grudge, they’re just embarrassed. Together, you un-shame each other.

Replying to

Negative social regulation, often self-imposed?

Replying to

and

So how do you propose we coordinate this un-shaming each other? It looks like a prisoner's dilemma to me and I don't want to risk shaming myself more by being the sucker and making the first move. What if the other person doesn't cooperate? Isn't that the entire problem?

Arran Rogerson

@arranrogerson

Replying to

@ghuubear

Referring to a common situation where two people aren’t actually upset at each other, they’re just ashamed of their behavior. Once they confront that self-punishment (by admitting it to each other) the conflict is revealed for what it is—an illusion—and the shame is lifted.

5:25 AM · Oct 21, 2020Twitter for iPhone