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what is shame.

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Oct 20, 2020

How much of our interpersonal conflict is just both parties feeling ashamed and avoiding confronting that shame? Often the other person isn’t holding a grudge, they’re just embarrassed. Together, you un-shame each other.

Arran Rogerson

@arranrogerson

Replying to

@ghuubear

Negative social regulation, often self-imposed?

12:03 AM · Oct 21, 2020Twitter Web App

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and

So how do you propose we coordinate this un-shaming each other? It looks like a prisoner's dilemma to me and I don't want to risk shaming myself more by being the sucker and making the first move. What if the other person doesn't cooperate? Isn't that the entire problem?

Replying to

Referring to a common situation where two people aren’t actually upset at each other, they’re just ashamed of their behavior. Once they confront that self-punishment (by admitting it to each other) the conflict is revealed for what it is—an illusion—and the shame is lifted.