How much of our interpersonal conflict is just both parties feeling ashamed and avoiding confronting that shame? Often the other person isn’t holding a grudge, they’re just embarrassed. Together, you un-shame each other.
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It may also be a somatic issue? The story of shame may be generically selected. People seem to be skilled at avoiding disturbing feelings and conflict is a common trigger for bad feels.
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Good insight. I think this is definitely true. Avoidance is embodied, more than it is reasoned; the ego makes up a story to justify the behavior, and relays that narrative to self and others.