Sometimes I worry that consciousness doesn’t mean you get to make decisions, it just means you get to watch.
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I suppose if you hang out inside John Malkovich long enough you start to think you ARE John Malkovich! 🙊
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Yes! The feeling of lacking control induces mild horror at first, but then eases into a feeling of relief an beauty if I think about it long enough—basking in the waves of the unknown.
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Grasping for (perhaps illusory) control is a real issue for me, a key part of my core shame avoidance perfectionism strategy from childhood. I’m looking forward to cultivating some of this relief and beauty you speak of! I think I’ve seen glimpses.
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This resonates with me. I wish the relief and beauty was constant! Only glimpses for me as well...