Anthony JeselnikVerified account

@anthonyjeselnik

'I could listen to you and pee my pants all day.' -Hines Ward

Los Angeles
anthonyjeselnik.com
Joined January 2009
9 Photos and videos Photos and videos

Tweets

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  1. Aug 1

    Los Angeles, my next Jeselnik and Enemies show at Largo has been moved up from 9/23 to 9/16. Get tickets here:

    47 retweets 290 likes
  2. Jul 29

    Judge. Jury. Executioner. Tonight.

    0:12
    Laughter is the best medicine. is back for more tonight at 10/9c.
    110 retweets 560 likes
  3. Jun 28

    Tonight! The hilarious filmmakers on ! 11:00 !

    , , and 2 others
    49 retweets 248 likes
  4. Jun 22

    Only in America could a plea to get off your ass and do something about gun safety be answered with a sit-in.

    942 retweets 2,923 likes
  5. Jun 21

    TONIGHT! & talk handjobs. & drop a new song.

    58 retweets 346 likes
  6. Jun 20

    Well, that explains the one glove thing.

    The late Michael Jackson stockpiled gruesome pornography and photos of animal cruelty
    578 retweets 1,613 likes
  7. Jun 20

    The only way to stop a bad guy with a gun is to vote them out of Congress.

    2,693 retweets 5,981 likes
  8. Jun 15

    Looks like everyone was worried for nothing.

    1:27
    Sheriff: Toddler's remains found "completely intact" after Disney alligator attack
    1,124 retweets 3,426 likes
  9. Jun 12

    Sure, this seems like the deadliest mass shooting in American history right now. But give it time.

    5,706 retweets 14,962 likes
  10. May 28

    Sit back and ...

    76 retweets 582 likes
  11. May 14

    Attention?

    WTF: Here's the totally normal reason why you want to squeeze babies to death
    150 retweets 762 likes
  12. May 9

    If you ever wondered what it would take to get me back on Comedy Central, this is it.

    . President Michele Ganeless to step down, Kent Alterman to replace her
    378 retweets 2,179 likes
  13. May 5

    We are beyond proud to share Trying To Be Special with you. It has personal stories, home videos & !

    37 retweets 146 likes
  14. Apr 23

    Shakespeare was the greatest of all time.

    189 retweets 1,293 likes
  15. Apr 21

    This is actually the most subtle way Prince has gotten out of a record deal.

    3,527 retweets 9,064 likes
  16. Mar 24

    Seinfeld-Why can't you be a comedian just because you're talented and smart and that's why you're a comedian? Shandling-Why so angry, Jerry?

    215 retweets 1,252 likes
  17. Mar 22

    "I fear all we have done is to awaken a sleeping giant and fill him with a terrible resolve."- ISIS on Jean-Claude Van Damme

    1,185 retweets 2,958 likes
  18. Mar 21

    A great conversation about mastering your craft with brilliant comedian

    59 retweets 360 likes
  19. Mar 6

    Nancy Reagan has finally been reunited with her one true love, the entire cast of Diff'rent Strokes.

    785 retweets 2,750 likes
  20. Mar 4

    Bust.

    The infant known as the Bernie Baby has died of SIDS
    178 retweets 709 likes

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