Anna Brandberg

Denethor: - terrible table manners - no - why would you ever?pic.twitter.com/7nmc07zEcA

Gollum: - he is definitely going to steal your wallet one of these days - does not want you to have any friends - will not stop talking about himself in the third personpic.twitter.com/otuMbkKov5

Sarumon: - Spends way too much time on Reddit - has a PHD in philosophy, and works it into every conversation - is absolutely cheating on youpic.twitter.com/jyxI8lm3IE

Isildur - more of an ill-advised fling you had on vacation - works in investment banking - turns out he’s marriedpic.twitter.com/8jT3PA6Ym3

Bilbo: - allergic to fun - thinks you need to “broaden your horizons” so he wants you to read Kerouac - Calls himself a self-made man even though he inherented the housepic.twitter.com/8xiMm0eqKh

Wormtongue - 100% gaslighting you - has never changed the sheets, ever - “Name five of their songs, poseur”pic.twitter.com/jjLB1lI8n2

The Witch King - despite obvious predilection for gender-bending, doesn’t respect anyone else’s pronouns - listens to screamo at ear splitting volumes - won’t post photos of you together on Insta bc you’re bad for his aestheticpic.twitter.com/aHpF9pZFyO

Last by special request, Thorin: - historical figure he relates to most is Lord Byron - needs constant reassurance that he’s hotter than your exes - won’t just come out and call you a gold digger, but he’s thinking itpic.twitter.com/Y2O8w0ZYmq