the stakes are that the less money i make the harder it'll be for my parents to retire. my dad literally told me that. he said he was holding off on retiring because he was worried about me
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Conversation
a few days later i wrote:
"this was never like... this was never a one-player game, it was always a multi-player game and i spawned already in a guild containing my parents who had already been playing for 30 years"
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the other stakes are about dignity. acidQC said "you need dignity much more than you need money" and that sort of blew me away a little. like... shit
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like when i explain my current life circumstances to myself in a matter-of-fact way it does not look good. i literally have no job, no gf, no friends (in the sense of people i interact with irl regularly), no community, no mission, no purpose, no team, no religion...
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i have 8k followers on twitter tho 😅 hi everyone
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anyway in conclusion i asked acidQC what i should do with my life and he said "literally just keep writing" and "you're literally allowed to just keep writing you literally don't have to have a plan for how the rest of your life goes that's any more detailed than that"
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oh, also, the *medium* dose of acid was incredibly important. some of the most meaningful experiences of my life happened on 100+ ug of acid and/but those experiences were really walled off from my sober life and interpolating between them with an intermediate dose was amazing
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Thank you for sharing—this is so amazing! I've certainly never been able to do anything remotely resembling writing while on a trip (or even, uh, talking?), so I'm very interested to try an intermediate dose.
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Yeah, multiple times in my life when I have been tripping on something like acid I have wished I was in a position to write my thoughts down, and I think it might have been possible but I had never thought ahead and provided myself the means to do so before I was mid-trip.
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One thing I really appreciate about the experience, though is that unlike, say, alcohol, my memory appears to remain intact. So I'm able to capture later in journals pretty crisply what I was thinking/experiencing in a given moment. But does mean a thicker lens of interpretation.
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While I'm at it, sharing one memory distilled after a recent trip that I've found helpful as a lens…