I’m not sure! Maybe you can describe “sense of self”? When I’m doing creative work, there is also a sense of immersion… but maybe myself is included in that in a way hacking excludes?
Conversation
I guess in routine programming—and probably for both of us all programming is routine—one is not adding anything of oneself, just figuring out what the tedious requirements of gluing together APIs demands; it’s all it-focussed
Whereas ->
1
2
4
in creative work, even when you are immersed in it, there is a sense that at least the material is coming *through* you, rather than being “out there” in the IDE/server/API_doc
1
1
5
and there’s some sense that, even when the material has a universal quality, so “I” am not creating it, nevertheless since it is coming “through” me, and so it’s going to be peculiar in a me-ish way without my intending that
1
1
3
Yes, this really resonates. The experience of the material coming "through" me involves more reflective thought, emotional affect, connection to the world, etc, which I guess makes it feel less numbing.
2
3
This resonates with me 1000%.
Coding creates a trance state that is seductive but sometimes sterile, bc the domain is often so narrow. The days are good but what kind of months do they add up to?
But I wonder if I feel this way only bc I’m a bit fixated on self-expression.
1
1
4
Yes that’s definitely part of it for me!
1
One thing tho: the days are good; the months can feel empty... but then at the year-scale I’ll often feel quite satisfied because of what the coding enabled.
1
5
This also shows how there’s a kind of “meaning gamble” that only pays off on a longer timescale. If things work you might feel, yes, a good use of a year. Or —😬— it might be like waking up from a drug addiction and wondering, what the hell happened?! Existentially risky business
1
6
Yes, “why on EARTH did I spend a year on that, what the HELL was I thinking??” is a familiar and not particularly welcome feeling
1
9
For sure—very risky, but I don’t think it’s possible to do interesting work without gambling with years! Or at least, if it is, I don’t know how to do it.
Definitely. And the risk is double. One is the project just doesn't work out. The other (in my case, and it sounds like maybe Alexis') is getting seduced into spending a year on a project that seemed exciting, and then addicting, but wouldn't be worth the time even if successful.
1
2
2
In the initial period of release from some months-long task-from-hell during which creative thought is impossible, my mind is so delighted by the experience of thinking that its quality filter is TERRIBLE.
1
2
Show replies