Conversation

Andy Matuschak

@andy_matuschak

·

Oct 18, 2020

I've noticed that consciousness recedes when I'm deep in a coding phase, many back-to-back days in flow. My mind narrows to tunnel-vision, fixated on the software and its issues. My sense of self shrinks; non-code ideas cease to arise; I get less curious; writing yields little.

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Andy Matuschak

@andy_matuschak

·

Oct 18, 2020

It's an odd feeling: flow is experientially satisfying, but the creeping self-abnegation is worrying. I also notice it takes quite a while to "reset" from this phase, to start hearing myself think again, to feel like less of an automaton.

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Andy Matuschak

@andy_matuschak

I don't experience this feeling when I spend many days back-to-back in flow doing other work: developing an idea, writing, designing. I wonder if it's bc those activities are more creative, involve more reflective thought. Or maybe it's that I'm worse at them—so flow's less deep!

2:45 AM · Oct 18, 2020·Twitter Web App

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Andy Matuschak

@andy_matuschak

·

Oct 18, 2020

Replying to

@andy_matuschak

Also, I haven't noticed this much until last year. Hypotheses: a) didn't happen before b/c I rarely stayed in flow for days at a time working on a team; b) I only notice it now b/c I've become more self aware; c) I only notice it now b/c I value insight more and execution less?

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Andy Matuschak

@andy_matuschak

·

Oct 18, 2020

One alternative ofc is to not get so deep into flow when building stuff. I've tried that (accidentally and intentionally); it does avoid the self-abnegation issue. But then I get frustrated because projects take non-linearly longer to finish, and it feels like they drag on. 🤷‍♂️

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Andy Matuschak

@andy_matuschak

·

Oct 21, 2020

Wrote this thread as I was preparing to “reset” after finishing a large implementation milestone. Now on the road for the week to recover my mind. Beautiful sunrise at Bryce this morning!

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Andy Matuschak

@andy_matuschak

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Nov 9, 2020

Amusing reflection: an afternoon with psilocybin is a significantly faster, cheaper, and more effective way to reset this tunnel vision than a week-long road trip.

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Andy Matuschak

@andy_matuschak

·

Oct 18, 2020

Yeah, that resonates. This has probably changed with time for me: I'm experienced enough that programming is fairly automatic, though often still time-consuming.

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james yu (IS HIRING ENGINEERS THAT WRITE)

@jamesjyu

·

Oct 18, 2020

Replying to

@andy_matuschak

This is generally true for me, too. However, it’s more an fair comparison to writing in later drafts, when the core themes of a piece are set, and you’re tightening and wordsmithing.

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james yu (IS HIRING ENGINEERS THAT WRITE)

@jamesjyu

·

Oct 18, 2020

When programming, you usually already have a target functionality. You’re past the point of ambiguity of what the Thing is and what it should do, which I’ve found to be the flow breaking part of the process.

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Henrik Berglund

@khberglund

·

Oct 18, 2020

Replying to

@andy_matuschak

I am reminded of Heidegger’s idea that when we are completely absorbed in activities both equipment and self recede into the background. I am also reminded of Knorr Cetina’s reflection that in “epistemic work” we actively engage with the “epistemic objects” we work with.

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@Rishi10

·

Nov 9, 2020

Replying to

@andy_matuschak

it is prolly because in coding while instructing a machine, a lifeless thing, the consciousness in you finds no use of it. when dealing with a lifeless object for a long time, i think the phenomenon you are describing might happen.

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@Rishi10

·

Nov 9, 2020

other work(s) you mentioned are quite life full things. you enjoy there. everyone enjoys there. 'the flow' is always indicated by acute presence of awareness/consciousness not by the lack of it.