I've noticed that consciousness recedes when I'm deep in a coding phase, many back-to-back days in flow. My mind narrows to tunnel-vision, fixated on the software and its issues. My sense of self shrinks; non-code ideas cease to arise; I get less curious; writing yields little.
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It's an odd feeling: flow is experientially satisfying, but the creeping self-abnegation is worrying. I also notice it takes quite a while to "reset" from this phase, to start hearing myself think again, to feel like less of an automaton.
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I don't experience this feeling when I spend many days back-to-back in flow doing other work: developing an idea, writing, designing. I wonder if it's bc those activities are more creative, involve more reflective thought. Or maybe it's that I'm worse at them—so flow's less deep!
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Also, I haven't noticed this much until last year. Hypotheses: a) didn't happen before b/c I rarely stayed in flow for days at a time working on a team; b) I only notice it now b/c I've become more self aware; c) I only notice it now b/c I value insight more and execution less?
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One alternative ofc is to not get so deep into flow when building stuff. I've tried that (accidentally and intentionally); it does avoid the self-abnegation issue. But then I get frustrated because projects take non-linearly longer to finish, and it feels like they drag on. 🤷♂️
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Wrote this thread as I was preparing to “reset” after finishing a large implementation milestone. Now on the road for the week to recover my mind. Beautiful sunrise at Bryce this morning!
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Amusing reflection: an afternoon with psilocybin is a significantly faster, cheaper, and more effective way to reset this tunnel vision than a week-long road trip.
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This is something ive struggled with recently, especially with trying to pinpoint how programming differs from other work. Of your hypotheses for me it is noticing due to more self-awareness. You put into words something ive felt very strongly in the last year or so.
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Another observation of my experience at least, is a much lower level of presence at home. Honestly before your thread I attributed some of this to attention-related issues or something along those lines.
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It’s suitable for solving complex logical problems, but the context switch in and out of it can be quite disruptive to everything else going on. I also notice this with solving math/physics problems. Maybe this process kicks the logical parts of the brain into hyperdrive
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Disembodied flow seems harmful. Like a loop that isn't closed; an over adaptive stimulus.
Most knowledge work does not produce flow. The kind that does is numbing and unregulated. Unknown territory evolutionarily.
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Hm hm. I don't think I can endorse your tweet so strongly stated. Flow lets me practically explore ideas which would be intractable without it. Double-edged sword, I guess?
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