Twitter: I am terrible at asking for help! I never think to do it. And when I do, I dismiss it, thinking “ah, it’s so much overhead to involve others that it’s easier to just handle myself.” But I’m sure I’m not asking nearly enough.
Help me! What strategies do you have here?
Conversation
(Very helpful replies—thank you!)
One barrier for me is worrying about downside. Asking for help sometimes does end in morass—more noise than signal, more effort than going solo, excess social overhead. Any advice on choosing whom to ask or on crafting a request to avoid morass?
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Progress report: I've pushed myself to ask for help more in the last month, and I wish I'd done it sooner!
Shoutouts:
❤️ to @randiisan for saving me from build systems: twitter.com/andy_matuschak
❤️ to for patient advice through weeks of me stuck on the same problem.
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Request for help from Android fans interested in my work: Orbit uses LevelDB for an object store and React Native for its UI. I’ve written (and open-sourced) native RN<>LevelDB bindings for iOS/Mac. Would anyone be up for contributing Android bindings? github.com/andymatuschak/
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One surprising issue I find myself having is that I need help in noticing when I should ask for help (and from whom). If something is "task-shaped," it's easy-ish to ask. But if I'm unhappy about some general area, it's often not. Hard to see opportunities when lost in the woods.
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I worry abt downsides excessively sometimes
Best thing that help is I allow myself this:
Quitting is always an option
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Asynchronous asking can eliminate communication-related confusion.
Txt/Email > Call
But that feels so less personal.
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I just shared this poem with and yesterday because it really formed my early-may-li thoughts about help
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by shel silverstein
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on crafting a request -
one idea is, if you need help doing x;
start by asking "how difficult is it to do x?"
(- i.e. "in your opinion, is doing x hard, medium or easy?")
knowing in which bucket respondent places their answer helps - and can also serve to redirect if needed
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I just thought of another high-yield strategy with low social overhead
In fact it has social yield
Ask people *who they know* who can help with problem X
Sometimes it's that person themself
Sometimes it's a referral...
just as valuable, + adds social capital
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Finding 'help' is a long-term mission and a short-term drain. Any single request is probably not worth it; you need to spend a fair amount of energy to invest in people, and it will pay dividends. Of course figuring out who is a worthwhile investment is the next challenge.
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Heart of qual research. Don't look for facts but for tendencies/trends. Also seek particular and novel, the tacit. "What is the single truth about your field that's the most embarrassing?" That is a bad book question, good ppl question. You are trying to uncover aporias, often
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