Andrew KimmelVerified account

I doze off. I’m awoken several hours later by an officer. “Your friend pay bail.” What the fuck? Im given my belongings and shoved outside where a woman from Kenya was waiting for me. “I heard what happened when you came in, so I figured you could use some help.”

I thank her over & over and ask what she was arrested for. “I ordered an Uber and the driver said I didn’t pay.” Fuck Cabo. So now the two of us start walking to nowhere and spot a guy chilling in his car. We ask for directions back to the marina and he instead offers us a ride.

Imagine if a Mexican & a Kenyan came up to a car in the US & asked for directions. Anyways, we get to the marina & the Kenyan offers the guy cash... he refuses. It’s now 2:00 & my flight leave at 3:26. The Kenyan joins me to the airport, but unfortunately her flight was at 8:30am

I have no fucking clue what I’m going to do. I call passport control in the States to report a stolen passport. They tell me to call the local embassy. I call and they’re closed. I ask my new friend to wait in the car at the airport as I run to the airline desk. It’s now 3:00pm.

I tell the airline agent what happened and ask if there is anything I can do to get home. I show her my Real ID (what a stupid fucking name) and a photo of my passport. She gets on the line with CBP and somehow arranges for me to jump on the last flight out without a passport.

I run back to my friend in the rental car, tell her I can make the last flight out, but I needed more money At this point, I’m losing my shit over just about everything, and she grabs my hand, tells me it’ll be ok and then kisses me I kiss back. What the fuck is happening?