Ana Moss

@anashedidnt

I drink your milkshake. Wait! It doesn't have any dairy in it....right? Shit. SHIT. I explosively expel your milkshake. Sorry. You have a lovely home.

New York City
Vrijeme pridruživanja: studeni 2019.

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  1. Prikvačeni tweet
    26. pro 2019.

    My sex dreams are so realistic that I’m not even in them.

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  2. prije 1 sat

    "Involuntary Celibacy" is a strange term because it's involuntary only for you. Everyone else is making the choice to not sleep with you quite actively. Seems more like being drafted.

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  3. prije 1 sat

    They "ACTUALLY" know guys. I know you didn't believe them after the last quiz you took, but this time they're like super confident they're going to get it right.

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  4. prije 1 sat

    I guess masturbating under a waterfall isn't that different from doing it in the shower. Fuck it, I'm in.

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  5. prije 14 sati

    Dreading drinks with a Hinge stranger whose texts so far have never included an exclamation point, emoji, or laugh. He is either a Turing test or exactly as dull as he sounds.

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  6. prije 15 sati

    I always thought growing up was something I had to do. Turns out it happens to you regardless.

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  7. prije 17 sati

    Flipping over the couch cushions because I've calculated that this side has been farted on sufficiently.

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  8. prije 17 sati

    Friend: Today I got a bikini wax, cut my toenails, popped a bunch of pimples, and just took a giant shit. Me: Did you masturbate? Friend: Eeew, gross. I'm not going to answer that, it's very personal!

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  9. prije 17 sati

    Break up idea #5,426 Last minute cancel your Valentine's Day plans and tell your girlfriend that you've decided to give her the greatest gift of all. Her freedom.

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  10. prije 17 sati

    If at age 10 you discovered that you had the power to kill people with your mind and there would be absolutely no way to trace it back to you...how many people would you have killed by now?

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  11. prije 17 sati

    Or better yet you go to Burger King and they show you a picture of your ex celebrating Valentine's Day with their current partner — even after they told you they didn't "believe in this made up Hallmark holiday." If you still have an appetite, you've truly earned the burger.

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  12. prije 18 sati

    Channeling the Masked Singer for the next show: Celebrities swap phones to see how long it takes their friends, family, and lovers to figure out that they're not themselves. Sometimes it's immediate, sometimes hours, sometimes it takes months of sexting. I don't make the rules.

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  13. prije 19 sati

    If the bar ever turned down the music I would also be embarrassed. My bar strategy is to nod along deafly, throw my arms up and scream "I love this song" every 10 minutes, primarily respond with quotes from "The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock," and laugh as if I'm having fun.

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  14. prije 19 sati

    What if you could actually hear what all your friends are saying at the bar and they’re just drunkenly shit talking your bangs and your astrology chart readings?

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  15. prije 19 sati

    Horrified by the 2015 Charlie Hebdo shootings I reassured myself they couldn't happen here. I'm no longer that naive. Criticize. Boycott shows. Write op-eds. But threatening is worse than any offense he gave. Fighting for your beliefs does not mean going up in arms.

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  16. prije 20 sati

    In middle school I spent hours pouring glue into various patterns before meticulously peeling away my masterpiece. And yet nobody is surprised that I didn’t grow up to be an artists?

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  17. prije 20 sati

    After week 4 of The Bachelor ~40% of women are either models, fashion bloggers, or pageant contestants. Show becomes a game of Mafia as women accuse each other for dating Peter for the "wrong reasons" which are basically career exposure and the ONLY justifiable, logical reasons.

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  18. prije 21 sat

    I can measure how single and unmarried I am by how fondly my mom speaks about exes she used to beg me to dump.

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  19. prije 22 sata

    Airplane rows must match each other drink-for-drink so that they all get up to pee at the same time. This is the code of the sky.

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  20. prije 22 sata

    I came very close to making a joke about *discharging* your duties...but I didn't. Because I'm mature, rational, have self-control, take this issue very seriously, and am not on my period yet.

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  21. prije 22 sata

    FSA dollars cover sunscreen, condoms, contact lens solution, but NOT menstrual hygiene products? Bill to expand coverage passed House and has sat with the Senate for ~18 months (H.R. 6199). It's big impact bipartisan legislation that needs advocacy!

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