Someone told me I lack a 'moral compass' b/c I'm gay. I assured her what I lack in a 'moral compass' I make up for in dick sucking skills.
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Beset
@AmyQcoocachoo
I'm too young to be this middle-aged
Joined March 2009
Beset’s Tweets
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I wish someone would shave my legs for me #thattired
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I just showed my 4 y/o how to juice apples, he is thoroughly shocked. Can't understand how they get it into a popper
In other more poo related news, my kid just won praise for his 3am efforts
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My husband always says happy wife - happy life. Well now he knows unhappy wife - sleep on the couch.
A tuffet is a low stool apparently. Thanks Twitter. All those who answered "a 12 inch dildo" have detention. Its your time you're wasting.
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"Me and my dad know everything about rockstars and cars" - my kid to a complete stranger in an elevator
Turns out showing my kid zombie videos on YouTube was a one way ticket to nightmare town. I'd punch a kitten for some sleep
So crazy I could go tired
I saved a sweet little dog from becoming a road pancake today. I've become quite attached
OMG my facebook account is temporarily unavailable. WHAT DO TEMPORARILY DO?
Assessment of my parenting skills: ssh baby, pat baby, rock baby, hold dummy in baby's mouth, ssh baby some more, panic, cry, pour wine
My four year old wants to be Karl Stefanovic for Halloween. I can get him drunk but where do I find a gold logie?
My baby just stared directly into my eyes and sniggered as he took a huge dump. I think he just dominated me. #passiveaggressivepoo
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Unexpected nightmare material for tonight brought to me by The Hamster Wheel.
I'm such a jerk, I didn't see any of the congrats tweets. Thanks ya'll! My baby is chubby and wonderful and birth- nailed it
I love my husband all of the time except when he's snoring. Then I want to set fire to him.
I can't say I ever waited up for someone to take a dump during my uni days though, although it is entirely possible I did and don't remember
Covered in spew and mascara at 3am, my mothering days are remarkably similar to my uni days.
"I like my women like my wine... any color and cheap" -my creepy Uncle Murray
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Hey bitches, I just had a baby and now I'm back!
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Laughing at my 3 year old kid who just called me a fag. I have no idea where he's heard the word.
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Awesome, all the powerpoints in my house just exploded.
Has anyone ever been acquitted of murdering their spouse who snored really effin loud?
How ironic that I should lose my set of work keys on the day that the photo a day challenge is some shit about keys. Probs get fired oops!
I am one mean mother amyqcoocachoo.blogspot.com.au/2012/03/its-ok
Am I a bad QLDer for trying to run over a canetoad with the lawnmower, or a bad human being because I didn't get the sucker?
The whole panel/state rolls their eyes when you talk Katter #vote9
There was something big welling up inside me watching the #qldvotes then I realised I had a giant fart, and I don't care about the election
Are you happy now Queensland? Giving near absolute power to one party, that will end well!
Nine news the other night said that they will know the results half an hour after the polls close... so they are shitting us right now.
I just had a two hour uninterrupted sleep while my kid watched tv. Miracles do happen!
#marchphotoaday no moon tonight but there is a giant spider web over my back landing, thanks photo challenge twitpic.com/905iqv
I love watching my husband search for the remote, it sends him batshit crazy
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Why so hot, Brisbane? If I had nuts they'd be sweatin'