Christina Holland

@americanwombat

Firebase JS at Google, wrote for Cracked, my views are that of the 5000 year old entity whose tomb I accidentally unsealed

California
Joined December 2011

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  1. Pinned Tweet

    Not many people know I used to be a Trump/Cruz voter type (till ~2007?). Today's column is on what changed my mind.

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  2. Retweeted
    15 hours ago

    Fun fact: That job screening company that scans Twitter accounts for bad words has developers that commit plaintext passwords on GitHub. ... Maybe they're scanning the wrong website.

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  3. 14) you don't have to volunteer any negative information about yourself or what led to you leaving previous jobs, unless they have a scrying stone, in which case it looks better if you come clean first

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  4. 13) if the interviewer takes you on a tour passing through many different departments, filled with marvelous equipment, wondrous amusements and enticing treats, do not partake of any of it or you may be cursed to serve that department forever

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  5. Yeah I guess the shape was important

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  6. I tasked my husband to get the platter for today. It's not very football shaped so... I don't really know what to expect

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  7. 12) after passing several rounds of interviews, your interviewer may assume their final form, which at first may seem invulnerable to your best answers. Wait for it to expose a glowing core and shout all of your best answers at it

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  8. Just my preference but I think if you make a joke based on playing ignorance of sports it is funnier if instead of framing it as you being hip and above sports (most “sportsball” jokes) you frame it as a hapless persona beneath sports (Romney style “I am a big fan of sport”)

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  9. Saw a little bit of people roasting this but I don't know if anyone mentioned this is the same lady that responded to the Away boss-from-hell story by saying "that CEO sounds like she's doing everything right, I'd love to work with her" and then deleted it

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  10. 11) if something goes wrong on the day of the interview, like if the whole company is destroyed by a meteor, show up anyway and talk about your qualifications to the rubble. It proves you are not a quitter and not daunted by setbacks

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  11. 10) if you make a big mistake you might feel like you'll die of embarrassment but if you do there are actually a lot of loopholes to return from death like playing a really good song for Hades or promising to be the devil's agent on Earth for a limited time

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  12. 9) try to weave a fine line when asked about your weaknesses. Avoid obvious b.s. like "I work too hard" but also try not to reveal you can only be killed if shot in the heel, or with silver

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  13. 8) of course that tip is very US centric. In other countries report to the equivalent agencies, like in the UK, report it to the Royal Hogwarts Employment Board

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  14. 7) if asked to choose between 2 doors, one leading to certain death, you can report the employer to the EEOC. If they claim employees have to do this on the job all the time this can be reported to the NLRB as well

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  15. 6) if you're asked to fight another candidate as part of the interview and you are able to best them and the interviewer asks you to finish them off, should you? Research the company culture first. Some see compassion as a positive indicator while some believe mercy is weakness

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  16. 5) if it's a panel style interview and all the interviewers are standing at the points of the pentagram and you're asked to have a seat on the stone altar in the center, this is usually a red flag

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  17. 4) make sure to wear a hat. So if the interviewer asks you to do "the coolest trick you know" you can run up the wall and do a back flip and when your hat falls off you catch it on the way down and put it back on. If they don't ask just say you're having a bad hair day

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  18. Feb 2

    3) throw out some questions to test your interviewer's knowledge of arcana. If they are well versed, they are a powerful magic user and you must not give them your true name

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  19. Feb 2

    2) An interviewer cannot cross running water. If you need to Google an answer, pee on the floor to create a stream they cannot cross to peek at what you are doing

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  20. Feb 2

    1) never wear a basilisk to an on-site interview

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  21. Feb 1

    1 lich = 1 useless interview tip To be totally clear, you give me a cool picture of an undead wizard and I tweet an inane interview tip no one will ever find occasion to use

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