Amy Malkoff

@amalkoff

Pithy takes on: music • me • politics • comedy • pop culture

Vrijeme pridruživanja: ožujak 2008.
Rođen/a 06. siječnja

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  1. prije 4 sata

    Had crown preps for 3 teeth (re-dos). They use a miserable evil string called hemodent that retracts the gums. Both bitter and painful, it's like having an army of tiny scorpions stinging your gums, repeatedly and for a inordinate amount of time. Dentistry is fun!

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  2. prije 19 sati

    Can I Uber Eats some conversation hearts?

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  3. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    Conservatives who are crying about the halftime show being “provocative”, but support a man who brags about grabbing and assaulting women need to shut the fuck up.

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  4. 3. velj

    "She looks amazing for 50!" and "I can't believe she can do that at 50!" are indeed ageist and sexist, even if you mean them to be complimentary, and/or you are a woman. Stop it.

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  5. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    Friend: Do you wanna come with me to Australia? Me: Ah sorry, I cant take off work Friend: I’m just nervous because they say everything there is trying to kill you Me: *suddenly holding a packed suitcase* We should get to the airport early

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  6. 2. velj

    Being superstitious is ridiculous; being performatively superstitious is worse.

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  7. 2. velj

    I was gonna quote some good parts of 's new special, "Weakness Is The Brand", but THE WHOLE THING IS SO AMAZING SEE IT NOW NOW NOW. It is masterful.

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  8. 2. velj

    Guy in 34 degree weather wearing an American flag hoodie, long jorts and flip flops is the hero we need.

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  9. 1. velj

    "Why are people on Twitter so awful to each other?" asks @cutesyfakename

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  10. 1. velj

    If you ever feel like you need to reach out to a celeb or notable person and tell them to "shut up and sing" or "I just want to hear you entertain - leave the politics out of it!", take a moment, deep breath, and kindly STFU. They are not your dancing monkey.

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  11. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    31. sij

    Republican Senators know — he did it — it’s impeachable — they’d have impeached Obama for it — Trump will do it again — the republic is threatened And don’t care.

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  12. 31. sij

    A dream replayed for me the time years ago when my car was broken into, the dashboard CRACKED IN HALF, to get at and steal the stereo...which didn't work. Good times.

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  13. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    30. sij

    Whenever I see someone on one of these, I like to imagine they started out with a much larger vehicle and their journey has been riddled with mishaps.

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  14. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    29. sij

    These impeachment hearings are like if Sesame Street was trying to figure out if Cookie Monster ate all the cookies

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  15. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    30. sij

    I don’t understand why people say ‘I’m in a real pickle’ like it’s a bad thing; I’d friggin love to be in a real pickle, so cozy and safe. Plus you have access to a delicious tangy pickle whenever you want. What time is it? It’s pickle time baby!

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  16. 30. sij

    Relating to this upstate NY weather forecast a little too much...

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  17. 29. sij

    They're saying prayers on the Senate floor. Maybe one of the "oppressed Christians" can explain this to me...

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  18. 29. sij

    Coconut earl grey. That's the tweet.

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  19. 28. sij

    Oh my goodness - it's my favorite drink!

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  20. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    28. sij

    "Echolocation, echolocation, echolocation." — the three most important factors in choosing the right cave, if you're a bat

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