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  1. Prikvačeni tweet
    31. sij

    i really like food but you know what no one really talks about? how much we need to breathe

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  2. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 4 sata

    What idiot called it the Australian Stock Market and not the DOW NUNDA?

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  3. proslijedio/la je Tweet
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  4. prije 5 sati

    what they think i’m like in the dms v what i’m actually like

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    Playing off that I'm fine today but really im thinking about the end of Bojack Horseman. And I'll be thinking about it tomorrow. And the next day. And the next day. And the next day. And the next. And after that, the next day. Whoa what do you know.. yep still thinking about it.

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  6. prije 8 sati

    me about the deep disappointment accompanying each notification of my political tweet reply, my faster moving tweet in months: I don’t want this responsibility

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  7. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 21 sat

    Im trying to sublease my room and this girl just came over for a tour and i showed her the bathroom and she was like “wait are you kendra from Twitter????” (this never happens) so i was like “um..” and she replied “i recognize the bathroom from your crying selfies” Pain

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  8. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 8 sati

    Being just as shitty as Rush is totally the way to make the world better. Great job y’all.

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  9. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 9 sati

    every boomer posting on facebook after the halftime show

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  10. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    3. velj

    me: aw a kangaroo, it’s so cute the kangaroo, putting her paws into her pouch me, squealing: it has pockets!

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  11. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    3. velj

    countries in emoji US: 🤠 UK: 🎩 France: 🥐 New Zealand: 🧙‍♂️ German: 🍻 China: 🍜 Australia: 🙃

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  12. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    hear me out: state of the unicorn address

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  13. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    5. sij 2019.

    Returns clerk: Was something wrong with this birdseed? Me: It didn’t grow a single bird.

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    Henry Cavill might be an adonis but what you don’t realise is that he probably has hands like sandpaper, you don’t want that caressing your nipples or scrotum. No, what you need is someone who’s never seen the inside of the gym or done a hard days work in their life. Call me

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  15. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    3. velj

    My 2 yo daughter watched the Super Bowl halftime show. She’s now a stripper and selling pictures of her feet online. She’s supporting the entire family and we’ve never been more proud.

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    One of my big accomplishments in life is that I’ve managed to make it this far without having any idea which traits are supposed to match which Zodiac sign, which, I know, is *such* a Virgo thing to say.

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  17. 3. velj

    me: aw a kangaroo, it’s so cute the kangaroo, putting her paws into her pouch me, squealing: it has pockets!

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  18. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    3. velj

    Me: *dies and enters heaven* Steve Irwin: *jumping on an angel and grappling it onto its back* See how his wings are just flapping? That’s a good sign of a healthy temper.

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  19. 3. velj

    countries in emoji US: 🤠 UK: 🎩 France: 🥐 New Zealand: 🧙‍♂️ German: 🍻 China: 🍜 Australia: 🙃

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  20. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    3. velj

    So do the people who think JLo showed too much skin not know that beige fabric exists? Literally the only skin showing is her arms. She is in a full unitard made of beige and silver fabric. How do the straights manage to get through day to day life?

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  21. 3. velj

    ALONE does not mean you’re LONELY although in my case it DOES

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