allison

@allisongaspari

First person to ever hit 18 trillion million retweets. Writer of long form tweets & more !

Дата регистрации: август 2012 г.

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  1. 17 июн.

    Don’t wanna sound aggressive but I do wanna be clear that I would like whoever signed me up to get emails from this online boutique that specializes in nursing scrubs to go straight to Hell!

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  2. 3 июн.

    Two days in and I have to say I already very much love Montana and yesssss it is bc I have been greeted multiple times by strangers with an unironic “Howdy”

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  3. ретвитнул(а)
    15 мая

    Invoking panic for the sake of performativity is frustrating because it often erases the people who have been doin the work for A WHILE and warps what these issues actually look like

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  4. 12 мая

    Soft blocking all the randos/inactive accounts that follow me on insta so my likes to follow ratio looks more impressive

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  5. ретвитнул(а)
    30 апр.

    Was on a 25+ rejection streak from and before today's pieces were published. Proof that sometimes the publication stars/editors' queues align!! Feeling like a bit of an imposter that they were published on the same day but happy to be here :)

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  6. ретвитнул(а)
    30 апр.
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  7. 25 апр.

    Hm pretty telling that there are progressives who refused to consider any of the women running for president as serious options from the get go but immediately touted for Pete Buttigieg! And if that’s you what it tells me is that you’re an absolute sexist!

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  8. 20 апр.

    Also hi Che I know ur reading this and I’m on ur side, these critics have no clue how hard it is to be so unfunny

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  9. 20 апр.

    People say Michael Che is thin skinned but have you ever considered how difficult it must be to be a famous comedian who’s never done or said anything funny in his entire life? The man is expected to write jokes EVERY WEEK and he has no idea how! Give him a break.

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  10. 18 апр.

    The most devastating comeback of all time is a sarcastically said “You must be fun at parties!” If it’s said to you, it’s over. You can try to say “actually I am fun at parties” but the damage is done; everyone suspects that you’re not. You’ll never get a party invite again

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  11. ретвитнул(а)
    17 апр.
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  12. 16 апр.

    I would tweet a joke like “imagine bringing home ur boyfriend and being like, ‘mom, dad, this is hank’” but I’m absolutely paralyzed by my fear of a dude named hank finding it and quote tweeting “man fuck this” because then he will get 130,000 more favs than me

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  13. 16 апр.
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  14. ретвитнул(а)
    15 апр.

    Did liberal politics ruin late-night talk shows? Or is it the other way around? on how Colbert, Kimmel, Fallon, et al. became so predictable, banal and painfully unfunny

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  15. 15 апр.

    The worst thing possible that can happen to me is finding out a famous person I admire is younger than me

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  16. 15 апр.

    Ok. I’ll bite. What’s game of thrones?

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  17. 14 апр.

    Pointing out that something I like that you don’t like isn’t a personality is not a personality. And me pointing out that you pointing out that something that I like that you don’t like isn’t a personality is not a personality is also not a personality. And you pointing out tha

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  18. 4 апр.
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  19. ретвитнул(а)
    30 мар.

    Actually this is the only tab that’s getting the sweet release of death on my computer

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  20. 30 мар.

    Add this piece I wrote to your own club of forgotten open laptop tabs!

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