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ME: I have this small program I want to write... 20 NEW LANGS: TRY ME! TRY MEEEE!! ME: ...it involves 2D arrays LANGS: Hmph. *scuttles away*

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It's just a goddamn multiply! THIS IS NOT ROCKET SCIENCE.

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would this satisfy your requirements? (this would be J from the APL family)

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I know J, APL and Matlab, but all of them are quite old! The only new-ish language I know with good multidim array support is Julia.

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iirc, K is seeing active usage; while proprietary, it has at least one open source implementation github.com/kevinlawler/ko

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I've been meaning to check out Julia, can't say much about it yet