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ME: I have this small program I want to write... 20 NEW LANGS: TRY ME! TRY MEEEE!! ME: ...it involves 2D arrays LANGS: Hmph. *scuttles away*

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It's just a goddamn multiply! THIS IS NOT ROCKET SCIENCE.

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would this satisfy your requirements? (this would be J from the APL family)

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I suspect you're already familiar with array languages, but still, they have the best multidim array support I know (in terms of notation)

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and there's interesting recent research in giving them type systems