You are floating along an underground river, in a barge made of amethyst, on a cartographic mission to map the Afterlife's magical waterways
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You'll return to Asphodel with printed pamphlets: "Go here," you show the specters, "for memories, for healing, for joy, for invincibility,
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am amazed at the features of modern web browsers but kinda wary to take the offer, don't think I'm ready

