𝔞𝔩𝔦𝔵 𝔰𝔭𝔲𝔯𝔩𝔬𝔠𝔨

@alixspurlock

mom, wife, narrator, nerd. lover of comedy, cats, science, & punk rock. 👉👈

Florida
Vrijeme pridruživanja: travanj 2009.

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  1. Prikvačeni tweet

    Is Inspector Gadget some kind of android or just like a regular guy with spring-legs?

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  2. ... to hotmic my phone, monitor my email, my Twitter, and my notes, and I made my best effort to not just report what I was seeing, but also ask questions and provide information that would lead our country’s foes to slip up and reveal more of what they knew. My…

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  3. Omg

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  4. [phone with husband] Him: “I have to pick up some wiper blades at lunch time.” Me: “At the auto parts store?” H: “Yes at the auto parts store.” M: “Oh good. Be sure you remember those rimjob cleaning wipes too.”

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  5. You can lead a gift horse to water, but you can’t look him in the mouth.

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  6. Saw Ron Jeremy was trending and wanted to remind everyone just how awesome a piano player he is.

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  7. Update- no one anywhere knows anything about these scary lamps.

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  8. Hi, twitter friends. My grandmother purchased these lamps at a department store in New England sometime in the 1940s-50. They’re a little scary but I’ve never seen anything like them. I would appreciate any insight you may have. Thanks! ?

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  9. Thank goodness you said something. I had forgotten you were a crazy conspiracy person.

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  10. anyone who can look around at a society of idiots and deduce that the root cause of an issue must be not idiocy but instead that the idiots have somehow gotten together to concoct and successfully execute a massive conspiracy is themselves an idiot

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  12. 3. velj

    It's a second pot of coffee kind of day

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  13. 30. sij

    if time travel doesn’t exist then explain how i did

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  14. Oh thank god it’s finally Friday’s Friday.

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  15. life hands u demons

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  16. Went to my kid’s school orientation tonight and the band was playing White Stripe’s Seven Nation Army. Pretty neat.

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  17. 22. sij

    Type out “My best quality is” and then let predictive text finish it! I’ll start “My best quality is I am a worthy vessel for the demon lord Paimon who will bring about a new age of darkness. All will suffer his wrath and despair” haha so random

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  18. 22. sij

    You come to me on this, the day of Mr. Peanut’s death?

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  19. Holy moly. The “feels like” temperature is 18° in north/central Florida right now.

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  20. It’s freezing in Florida today so I’m wearing two pairs of pants and I believe this is what a dog in tennis shoes feels like.

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  21. 20. sij

    The ADHD trait of "a million projects" is actually an adaptive strategy for brains that very specifically can't do what they set out to. By working "sideways" on many things, you get a *lot* done—while feeling like you "never do anything" (i.e., what you're "supposed" to do). 1/

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