Alex Kaseberg

Awesomehttps://twitter.com/cynicanoldicus/status/767027955163918336 …

"Matt Lauer" Only thing worse than Matt not wearing socks was Ryan apologizing for his "tantics." Antics caused by a tool. What a tasshole.

Ryan Lochte blamed his bad Rio behavior on "Immature tantics." What a tasshole.

Ryan Lochte signs new endorsement deal with Summer's Eve.

Ryan Lochte invents a new word: Tantics. Antics caused when you're a tool.

Ryan Lochte: "Everyone's watching my immature tantics." Antics? Or was tantric sex somehow involved? He did jerk us off for a long time.

"I forget, if you pull my finger do I fart or do you fart?" #WeirdConversationStarters

"Did you know I have not pooped my pants this month?" #WeirdConversationStarters

"For whatever reason, for a fat guy, I don't fart a whole lot." #WeirdConversationStarters

Funny.https://twitter.com/KattFunny/status/767046904928694273 …

"The term Sex Offender is so broad these days . . . " #WeirdConversationStarters

At the Rio Olympics, athletes were given 42 condoms each. Or as US men’s badminton team calls that: “We’re coming home with 42 condoms.”

Ryan Lochte hired PR crisis guru, Matthew Hiltzig. In what seems like a desperate move, Hiltzig announced Ryan is dating Caitlyn Jenner.

With sponsors leaving, Ryan Lochte may have to resort to means of another ex-Olympic champion desperate for publicity: Hello Caitryan Lochte

My dog, Wally, just had a bowel movement that was better than NBC's coverage of the Rio Olympics. #NBCSucks

Special Olympics turns down Ryan Lochte's application replying, "We're the Special Olympics, not the Drunk Douchebag Olympics."

Hey, NBC, I saw more coverage of Usain Bolt warming up in the tunnel then I did of US decathlon winner, Ashton Eaton. #NBCSucks

Simone Biles will carry the US flag. They were going to pick Ryan Lochte, but they didn't want the flag stolen by fake cops

The naked Donald Trump statues are not flattering. The name of the Trump statues is “Ode to Shrinkage.”