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alexhaagaard's profile
Alex Haagaard
Alex Haagaard
Alex Haagaard
@alexhaagaard

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Alex Haagaard

@alexhaagaard

Director of Communications @disabledlistorg. Founder of #MedTraumaChat. Tweets represent my own personal opinions. Tip jar: http://paypal.me/alexhaagaard 

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instagram.com/alexhaagaard/
Joined May 2014

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    1. Alex Haagaard‏ @alexhaagaard 16 Nov 2017

      ...who nonetheless quietly fear that someday their lives will be brought down by an accusation of sexual violence. And this is a huge problem. [5/x]

      1 reply 1 retweet 6 likes
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    2. Alex Haagaard‏ @alexhaagaard 16 Nov 2017

      It's a problem because that fear keeps them emotionally straddling the fence when it comes to accusations of sexual violence - even as they acknowledge, on a cognitive level, they really shouldn't be. [6/x]

      2 replies 0 retweets 8 likes
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    3. Alex Haagaard‏ @alexhaagaard 16 Nov 2017

      Even if they actively acknowledge all the structural reasons why we need to believe victims and why 'false accusations' really, statistically are not A Thing... [7/x]

      1 reply 0 retweets 7 likes
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    4. Alex Haagaard‏ @alexhaagaard 16 Nov 2017

      ...deep down many of them are still thinking, "Fuck, though. What if someone really hated me, and now we're seeing the kind of traction these accusations get; they could ruin my life." [8/x]

      1 reply 0 retweets 6 likes
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    5. Alex Haagaard‏ @alexhaagaard 16 Nov 2017

      And this is an incredibly vicious cycle. Because fundamentally, that lingering doubt comes from a lingering belief that, despite what we know, false accusations are A Thing. [9/x]

      1 reply 0 retweets 6 likes
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    6. Alex Haagaard‏ @alexhaagaard 16 Nov 2017

      And that doubt, the concern for preserving oneself in the face of a threat, goes back and feeds the belief. [10/x]

      1 reply 0 retweets 6 likes
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    7. Alex Haagaard‏ @alexhaagaard 16 Nov 2017

      So essentially, we have this incredibly insidious germ of an idea that has been deeply internalised and personalised, and so perpetuates itself like a damn retrovirus. [11/x]

      1 reply 0 retweets 4 likes
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    8. Alex Haagaard‏ @alexhaagaard 16 Nov 2017

      Honestly, I have no solution for this problem other than to suggest that this is an impulse that men need to critically examine within themselves. [12/x]

      1 reply 0 retweets 7 likes
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    9. Alex Haagaard‏ @alexhaagaard 16 Nov 2017

      In order to break toxic thought patterns we must explicitly acknowledge, and critically analyse them. [13/x]

      6 replies 1 retweet 7 likes
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    10. Alex Haagaard‏ @alexhaagaard 16 Nov 2017

      There is also a slight variation of this thought pattern that is even subtler and harder to confront: the men who are concerned that their romantic bumbling may someday be called out as violent. [14/x]

      1 reply 0 retweets 5 likes
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      Alex Haagaard‏ @alexhaagaard 16 Nov 2017

      (And again, I'm specifically not talking about the incel-flavour of complaining when literal rape is named as such... [15/x]

      10:54 PM - 16 Nov 2017
      • 4 Likes
      • robin m eames ♿🏳️‍🌈 Bonnie overwhelmed human Michelle B
      1 reply 0 retweets 4 likes
        1. New conversation
        2. Alex Haagaard‏ @alexhaagaard 16 Nov 2017

          But rather, the kind of men who will cross the street so as not to walk behind a woman at night because they are aware she may perceive it as threatening, and worry that misreading signals on a date and going in for a kiss only to be rebuffed... [16/x]

          1 reply 1 retweet 6 likes
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        3. Alex Haagaard‏ @alexhaagaard 16 Nov 2017

          ...has been experienced as (and will therefore, at some point, be called out as) sexual violence. [17/x]

          1 reply 0 retweets 4 likes
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        4. Alex Haagaard‏ @alexhaagaard 16 Nov 2017

          (The crucial distinction here, I think, is that the men I am talking about are aware of their capacity to harm and are concerned as much by the potential they may have done harm as by the consequences that may befall them.) [18/x]

          1 reply 0 retweets 7 likes
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        5. Alex Haagaard‏ @alexhaagaard 16 Nov 2017

          So there are a few things going on here. The first, and probably the most concerning, entails what I think is a fundamental misunderstanding of what sexual violence *is*. [19/x]

          1 reply 0 retweets 4 likes
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        6. Alex Haagaard‏ @alexhaagaard 16 Nov 2017

          And once again, this comes back to a really toxic cultural dialogue around sexual predators and their accusers. [20/x]

          1 reply 0 retweets 4 likes
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        7. Alex Haagaard‏ @alexhaagaard 16 Nov 2017

          Because a favourite defense of sexual predators is "that's not how I perceived it but I'm sorry you were hurt". [21/x]

          1 reply 1 retweet 5 likes
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        8. Alex Haagaard‏ @alexhaagaard 16 Nov 2017

          This is really significant because - particularly when it comes from predators who are linked with progressive ideology - it creates a rhetorical opening for one to have done harm without realising it. [22/x]

          1 reply 0 retweets 6 likes
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        9. Alex Haagaard‏ @alexhaagaard 16 Nov 2017

          And for those of us who aspire to inclusion and ascribe to leftist ideals, this is not a foreign idea. We know that we absolutely can do harm thoughtlessly, when we act without being critical of our own privilege. [23/x]

          1 reply 1 retweet 5 likes
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        10. Alex Haagaard‏ @alexhaagaard 16 Nov 2017

          But where the problem comes in is that this is never (at least not in any cases I've read) what is being described when people come forward with accusations of sexual violence. [24/x]

          1 reply 0 retweets 5 likes
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        11. Alex Haagaard‏ @alexhaagaard 16 Nov 2017

          When people come forward with specific reports of being sexually victimised, what they describe is never "X misread my signals & it was awkward & annoying & he probably should have been more aware of seeking active consent before leaning in for that kiss & that was that". [25/x]

          1 reply 0 retweets 3 likes
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        12. Alex Haagaard‏ @alexhaagaard 16 Nov 2017

          When someone comes forward with a specific accusation, they are invariably describing a situation that has involved repeated violation of boundaries. [26/x]

          1 reply 0 retweets 6 likes
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        13. Alex Haagaard‏ @alexhaagaard 16 Nov 2017

          If you violate someone's boundaries once, that's (maybe) a (probably asinine) mistake. It's embarrassing for you, and shitty for whoever's boundaries you violated, and you learn to be more aware, and you move on. [27/x]

          1 reply 0 retweets 7 likes
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        14. Alex Haagaard‏ @alexhaagaard 16 Nov 2017

          If you continue to violate someone's boundaries after they've failed to give enthusiastic consent, you're a sexual predator. Full stop. [28/x]

          1 reply 0 retweets 8 likes
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        15. Alex Haagaard‏ @alexhaagaard 16 Nov 2017

          No one reports the shitty asinine mistake - and the fear that they will circles back to the same beliefs and misunderstandings that underlie the "false accusation" trope. [29/x]

          1 reply 0 retweets 4 likes
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        16. Alex Haagaard‏ @alexhaagaard 16 Nov 2017

          Because to believe that someone will report the shitty asinine mistake is to ignore the way in which society is structured against the reporting of sexual violence by victims. [30/x]

          1 reply 0 retweets 5 likes
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        17. Alex Haagaard‏ @alexhaagaard 16 Nov 2017

          To report sexual violence - and particularly to make a specific accusation - requires bravery and substantial impetus. [31/x]

          1 reply 0 retweets 6 likes
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        18. Alex Haagaard‏ @alexhaagaard 16 Nov 2017

          Because you go into it knowing you will not be believed, you will be gaslit, you will be blamed. You. Do. Not. Do. That. Lightly. [32/x]

          1 reply 1 retweet 6 likes
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        19. Alex Haagaard‏ @alexhaagaard 16 Nov 2017

          If you don't want to be accused of sexual violence, don't be sexually violent. If you've misread signals from people in the past, learn from that and don't do it again. [33/x]

          1 reply 2 retweets 9 likes
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        20. Alex Haagaard‏ @alexhaagaard 16 Nov 2017

          Critically examine how rape culture has tacitly informed your emotional responses to discussions of sexual violence. Believe victims. [34/34]

          0 replies 1 retweet 6 likes
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        21. End of conversation

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