As a reporter, I’m not supposed to say any of this. I’m not the story. But after El Paso was terrorized, I’m still reeling.
It feels selfish to put this out there when there are children burying their parents and parents burying their children.
But it feels so personal.
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It feels personal because I’m brown. Because I’m from the border. Because this could’ve happened at the Walmart where my family shops.
Because the terror that I’m reporting on is not abstract. I can’t disconnect when I go home. That’s not a luxury I have as a brown reporter.
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It also feels personal because it’s prompted in me a crisis of personal mission. My career is centered on writing about the demographic change that fueled the gunman’s hate. And I haven’t been able to shake the thought that the headlines on my stories fueled his manifesto.
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I write stories meant to help Texans understand what life is like for people who don’t look like them. But often readers instead accuse me of being divisive & hateful. They question why I make everything about race as if that’s not what nearly everything in this country is about.
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I’m not looking for anyone’s pity, but I am asking for understanding.
That you try to understand that brown reporters are grappling with the contours of a profession & world that hasn’t always made room for us. And that you understand that differences aren’t always detrimental.
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Hugs, Alexa. Keep up the amazing work, and don’t try to force yourself to be an automaton. Of course you should have feelings about all of this! It fuels incredible, real reporting. You’re an amazing journalist.
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Keep on keeping on Alexa. What you are doing is meaningful, important, insightful and impactful. It’s hard sometimes to see the value of what we do from the perspective of who we are - but you are making a difference for the better. #Blessings
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Thanks for sharing. Readers that see your work as hateful or divisive are not truly getting that from your work, they're finding what they're looking for. There's a persecution complex that goes with white fragility. Your work is vital, as is always evaluating it, so keep it up.
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Make sure you look after yourself in the next few days and weeks, Alexa
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I’m a psychiatrist and I’m not supposed to have feelings but hey...we’re human
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So sorry you’re going through this, Alexa. You do amazing work, and it’s important. Keep going! Texas and everyone else needs people like you.
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