Possum Kingdom

@aissalanis

I’m hungry.

United States
Vrijeme pridruživanja: rujan 2010.
Rođen/a 09. prosinca

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  1. Prikvačeni tweet
    19. sij

    Soy sauce Dads: Hola sauce, soy papa

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  2. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 22 sata

    Nobody: Girls singing the American anthem at sporting events: 🎵 and the home of the braaaAAAaaaAAäääáãAAAA ɑɑɑɑɑɑ A AaaÅÃ ᴬᴬᴬᴬ aaaaaaaaa AAAAA AAAAAA aaaaââä ɑɑɑɑɑɑve 🎵

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    When I try to whistle.

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    Me: *rubbing grated Parmesan on my gums like cocaine* It’s 100% pure

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  5. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    29. sij

    plain white t’s: hey there delilah, if a train leaves new york city, and then travels at the speed of x, aha 🙈 you’d look so pretty. solve for x delilah [to other student]: i hate when he calls on me

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  6. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    30. sij

    the mandalorian: i can bring you in warm or i can bring you in cold hot pocket: why not both?

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    30. sij
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  8. prije 18 sati
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  9. prije 18 sati

    I tried taking a Lady and the Tramp picture with him but he kept stealing the twizzlers

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    29. sij

    The opposite of formaldehyde is casualdejekyll

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  11. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    Odgovor korisnicima

    Me when I’m in danger

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  12. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 19 sati

    Aussie tour guide: What’ll we see first- a king size kangaroo? Enormous emu? Colossal croc? Me [loves celebs]: Huge Ackman

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    8 y/o: Mom, what’s tomorrow? Me: Monday. Her: Oh... *cough* Me: No.

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  14. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 19 sati

    Me: *dies and enters heaven* Steve Irwin: *jumping on an angel and grappling it onto its back* See how his wings are just flapping? That’s a good sign of a healthy temper.

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  15. prije 19 sati

    Carrying a wallet around: - tedious - people will try to steal it - no room for snacks Getting a kangaroo pouch attached to your belly: - can’t forget it at home - literally no one will want to rob you - keeps your pocket pizza warm - the perfect excuse to adopt a Joey

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    me when I’m losing an argument with my siblings

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  17. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 20 sati

    🎶 Baby nut do do do do do do 🎶

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  18. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 19 sati

    In Australia, your life spins out of control in the other direction.

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  19. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    Me: holy hell thats a huge spider Every Australian: that? That’s just the hugeassmurder spider, what you really need to watch out for is the ohgodpleasenooo spider, they lure you to a deep forest clearing and raise a demon using your blood. Don’t worry, they mostly stay outdoors

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  20. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 20 sati

    what if penises ejaculated baby nuts instead of semen

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  21. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    Friend: Do you wanna come with me to Australia? Me: Ah sorry, I cant take off work Friend: I’m just nervous because they say everything there is trying to kill you Me: *suddenly holding a packed suitcase* We should get to the airport early

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