actioncookbook

@actioncookbook

pick up dry cleaning, pay water bill, mow lawn, update twitter bio

Louisville, KY
everydayshouldbesaturday.com
Joined March 2009
4,575 Photos and videos Photos and videos

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  1. Pinned Tweet
    Jan 4

    [in bar fight] ME: that's it, buddy, you and me HIM: and a bottle of wine ME: wait are we- BOTH: saaaaave tonight / fight the break of dawn

    11 replies 131 retweets 557 likes
  2. Retweeted
    32 minutes ago

    Today answers a timeless question in the most disturbing way possible. So: The usual, really.

    2 retweets 12 likes
  3. 5 hours ago

    The Fumble

    What's your earliest sports memory?
    3 replies 3 likes
  4. 7 hours ago

    the Big Ten adds Missouri instead of Rutgers

    Quote this with other alternative histories we could make into TV shows instead of ANOTHER take on "WHAT IF THE CONFEDERATES/NAZIS WON!?!?!"
    6 replies 5 retweets 61 likes
  5. 17 hours ago
    Replying to

    TIRED: station manager commentary WIRED: a million dollars worth of a different luxury good on fire each night

    5 replies 6 retweets 42 likes
  6. 17 hours ago

    local news just teased "this is what a million dollars worth of boats on fire looks like" and lemme tell you, make this a recurring feature

    7 replies 12 retweets 89 likes
  7. Jul 18

    The current administration is as though we caught the GOP with cigarettes and now we're making them smoke the whole pack

    2 replies 7 retweets 70 likes
  8. Jul 15
    Replying to

    thing is, it was probably her worst date too, and neither of our faults. Anyways, I never saw her again.

    3 replies 11 likes
  9. Jul 15

    I went out with a diehard Cubs fan to watch Game 6 of the 2003 NLCS

    in a single tweet reply, please tell me about the worst date you've had
    6 replies 5 retweets 71 likes
  10. Jul 15

    [rubs lamp] [genie appears] ME: cool, so I get three wishes? GENIE: not after what you did to my cousin Ricky [we both look at Diaper Genie]

    1 reply 8 retweets 52 likes
  11. Jul 14

    WIFE: Jennifer Lawrence is so pretty ME: [unsure if a trap, playing it safe] so is her brother, Joey

    4 replies 39 retweets 340 likes
  12. Jul 14

    MY WIFE: [turning on light] it's so dark in here, don't you want- ME: [scurries under fridge]

    1 reply 6 retweets 62 likes
  13. Retweeted
    Jul 14

    Republicans keep referring to Don Jr as a “kid” because that makes a lot of sense to their base of horrible 70 year old rich men

    3 replies 34 retweets 163 likes
  14. Jul 13
    Replying to

    no but for real I definitely had this in a children's XL in third grade

    9 replies 1 retweet 47 likes
  15. Jul 13

    ANTIQUES ROADSHOW APPRAISER: now this is an *original* Rappin' Taz shirt, but there seems to be damage on the Bugs ME: Bugs know what he did

    3 replies 9 retweets 73 likes
  16. Retweeted
    Jul 12

    love to get "stop whining" advice from [does 5 seconds of research] the guy who was handed a $3 million business by his dad

    228 replies 5,917 retweets 13,755 likes
  17. Jul 13
    Replying to

    let's see what the legal scholars of twitter think of my jokes

    4 replies 14 retweets 166 likes
  18. Retweeted
    Jun 4

    welcome, new followers, I guess now I should bump the other thing I've gone viral for:

    5 replies 13 retweets 47 likes
  19. Retweeted
    Feb 11

    "hey I've got a great name for our shirt-art company" "awesome, should we google it first?" "nah it's already on the car"

    14 replies 647 retweets 2,010 likes
  20. Retweeted
    Mar 23

    [wellness test] NURSE: how often do you smoke ME: never NURSE: drink? ME: occasionally NURSE: almost get into fights with geese? ME: listen,

    26 replies 981 retweets 2,744 likes
  21. Jul 11

    no. twitter dot com. I live for this

    11 replies 10 retweets 239 likes

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