By @wendyzski I prefer David Gerrold's term "celibate by popular demand" - because that better expresses "You are a human trash fire and proud of it and ain't nobody want to tap that"
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celbypode.
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Often taught by society and media that if they do certain things, they "get" a woman, and so are certain they've been denied what is their right. Women, to an incel, are rewards, not people with agency.
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Yeah. While these guys are old enough they should be taking a critical look at media, loads of teen movies have had this plot/trope of "frumpy teen nerd guy does XYZ & wins over the prettiest girl at school". That can't be helping things.
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Not to mention video games. And while I haven't done the research, I'll bet there's a pretty big overlap of incels who are gamers. Too many games emphasize the idea that women are rewards.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QC6oxBLXtkU …
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I’ve been thinking about this quite a bit, because I can remember a couple of instances in high school in which a girl who was the subject of a guy’s excessive attention enlisted help of his friends to get him to cool it in a way that didn’t spark bitterness.
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So the girl had to enlist his friends because the boy wouldn’t take a hint. And probably much more than a hint. I hope the girl had a team of friends to support her.
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And what about the girl who doesn't have a team of friends to support her? We need to do a better job of teaching young men what's appropriate and what's not. It is not the job of their female peers to manage that.
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They both traveled in overlapping mixed gender groups of friends, so friendly nudge could pre-empt even minor ugliness. I’d argue that a community in which anyone is so isolated as to have no friends who look out for them suffers from a toxicity that breeds other toxicity.
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So literally every community in existance suffers from toxicity. (I'm not arguing, btw. Just pointing out that communities with isolated members are unbiquitous and our thinking should reflect that reality.)
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I suppose I’m extremely conscious of all of this as I watch my oldest & his class as they are on the cusp of their teen years. There’s a limit to the extent to which parents can intervene with kids that age without being shut out entirely.
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Small interventions that can instruct heterosexuality with boundaries- or queerness with similar boundaries- will be really effective. To talk conversationally with boys and to model appropriate relations between men and women will encourage their buy-in. Best of wishes!
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I saw this tweet just as I finished an article about "incels"https://www.theglobeandmail.com/opinion/article-can-the-radicalization-of-incels-be-stopped/ …
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But....if you haven't showered, shaved, brushed your teeth AND also been nice to the object of your affections... you're no Incel. You're just lazy
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Yeah, can't say I find acting like my over-tired teenager to be especially appealing.
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I may be getting old, but we used to claim voluntary celibacy, even if our own dorkiness drove off women. “Then why you hanging out at the Gas & Sip Friday night?” “Uh… choice, man. BY CHOICE.”
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those are technically called "men go their own way" (MGTOW) now, which is a distinct sub-group from incels. there are also red-pillers, MRAs, PUAs, and others..
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Yikes. I was trying only to make a bad “Say Anything” connection. Interesting, though. My flirtations with celibacy, so to speak, never had a misogynistic component. And “by choice” was always understood as poor cover for still not having figured out how to communicate.

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