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  1. Prikvačeni tweet
    23. ruj 2014.

    Had a dream that I blocked Obama in a street game of basketball and then kept referring to myself as the "Department of Defense".

    Poništi
  2. 18. pro 2019.

    Come work with me! You can be my boss! I even do what I am supposed to occasionally.

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  3. 29. lis 2019.

    Can't wait to see *squints* Tiny Moving Farts

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  4. 8. ruj 2019.

    leave me alone I'm reading

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  5. 6. kol 2019.

    Me: *in a very Australian dude from Jurrassic Park voice* She wants to hunt! My house guest: *being viciously attacked by my cat*

    Poništi
  6. 12. srp 2019.

    told the dentist they could take my wisdom teeth from my cold dead gums

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  7. 21. svi 2019.

    *notices Lyft driver is wearing leather gloves* Ah yes, they must plan to murder me

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  8. 9. svi 2019.

    you: *telling me something not awesome* me: Oh, that's awesome

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  9. 27. ožu 2019.

    Decided to go see Us tonight

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  10. 23. ožu 2019.

    A nice, civil discussion in the comments. What a rare and pleasant thing.

    Tweet je nedostupan.
    Poništi
  11. 19. ožu 2019.

    me: *having literally any health issue* me: I bet I'm just dehydrated

    Poništi
  12. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    12. velj 2019.

    wow, I love the redesign with highlighted text leading to articles about us! such a cool idea. and you can now filter for 🚨 REMOTE ROLES!!! 🚨

    Poništi
  13. 24. sij 2019.

    Me: as your new president, I hereby declare cargo shorts illegal. Crowd: *applause* Me: crowding the gate before your group has been called, is illegal. Crowd: *wild applause* Me: Post Malone. Illegal. Crowd: *absolutely fucking losing it*

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  14. 22. sij 2019.

    going to buy 10,000 usb-c headphone dongle thingers and scatter them into the wind from atop the tallest building in the city so that I will finally have one whenever i need it

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  15. 17. sij 2019.

    me at the beginning of packing vs. me at the end of packing

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  16. 11. sij 2019.

    Super pumped to be flying on a day when air traffic controllers are not receiving a paycheck.

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  17. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    A massive federal climate change report that was due next month is out today. It warns of devastating health and economic costs to the US.

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  18. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    15. lis 2018.

    Video for talk "Gradual typing of at Scale" by and me is up: Learn about ’s rollout of the typechecker in a multi-million line codebase without pausing product development.

    Poništi
  19. 19. ruj 2018.

    i've lived in texas my whole life and i don't know what a honky tonk is

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  20. 1. ruj 2018.

    i enjoying mysekf by the garden, but then i remembered instances of regret in my life, and pain i have caused others

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  21. 3. kol 2018.

    i'm always tempted to do my laundry naked so that I get the satisfaction of having washed every single possible clothing item

    Poništi

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