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while some relationships are unstable like a badly engineered bridge, certain “explosive” events can destroy even the best ones. miscarriage or the death of a child for e.g. are often survived purely out of luckhttps://twitter.com/a_yawning_cat/status/1398362153137016839 …

this is bc what is destroyed is not a specific joint or weld but something deeper and more foundational. similar to how aids attacks the immune system and compromises everything else when something foundational is destroyed, every minor irritant becomes a reason for divorce

however, similar to the brutal treatment that is chemotherapy, a relationship in this state can potentially be saved with a brutal form of radical honesty

when a loved parent dies, the child often is knotted up bc of the desire to HATE the parent for leaving and abandoning, yet this feels unreasonable

similarly, in a miscarriage or a child’s death there is a feeling of abandonment and a HATE for that which has done the abandoning what twists the hoomans up inside is the repression of this hate bc they fear unleashing it. it makes them feel evil.