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> this music is so terrible i can only hear the beating of my own heart.

> what a lovely day for a walk outside. all these stupid birds are singing like they own the tree, but i am a superior being and therefore am above such pettiness as owning things. in fact, with superior wisdom and intellect i should be able to transcend ownership altogether

> i have just discovered that there is no god, which is something none of you would ever guess from my behavior because i completely act like there IS a god.

> above all things there is only Love and that is how we should treat everyone, with Love! for Love is what binds us ALL together and if we can grasp this simple fact of existence then we will never suffer again! oh wait…no…i was wrong about that last part.

> if you have a problem with what we do here at this retreat center, you should read our list of rules about how people are supposed to treat each other and then stop being a dick. now get out of my face.

> life is a dream. i dream about waking up from this dream in order to wake up from this other dream into another more interesting dream and so on forever! oh wait…i already know what happens when you finally wake up: you die. never mind then…

> if you want to be happy right now, go do exactly what everyone else wants you to do right now even though they are wrong; if you want to be happy later, go do exactly what no one else wants you to do right now

> it’s very funny that you think you are so special because god loves you. > i don’t really know what enlightenment is, but it sure sounds like a lot of work and i am too lazy to do anything else right now.

> the whole world is like a big festival and i just want to sit in the corner all by myself and eat nothing but bread and honey and complain about how no one understands me.