someone who is trying very hard to BE good is suspicious as embracing goodness requires first identifying as something external that is doing the embracing. something bad.
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just like the smoker who identifies as “someone who is trying to quit”, no amount of external behavior change can last long because the rooted original identity will simply re-assert itself once willpower is exhausted
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someone who is actively trying very hard to be nice holds a metaphysical gun to everyone in an interaction. “you wouldn’t like me when i’m NOT nice, just TRY and trigger me. i DARE you.”
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the violence is unbounded because no violence is perceived. every act of violence can be rationalized or postrationalized away as “for the greater good” (the maintenance of an internal heaven, often a SHARED internal heaven)
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